The thing is, I can't let myself ever think of any race finish as a failure. I am disappointed by yesterday's time results, but the fact remains, I got the same shirt and medal as all the other finishers. And as I go back to think about the race, a lot of things happened to me that will stay with me for a long while. I made memories, learned new things about myself, and experienced both highs and lows. I want to share my experience with you that I had yesterday, maybe some are curious about what it's like to run in a marathon or what happens during a marathon. What goes through a person's mind or how it feels. What can go right and what can go wrong. I'm writing this because the details are so sharp and firmly ingrained in my mind that I can't help but write them down. I always joke that this blog is a place that I put the things that are in my brain, but it's the truth. I often have ideas, but if I wait to write them, the memories fade and then later when I try to write them down I forget what I had seen so vividly before. So here is my one-day fresh recap of my race. I hope you get something out of following me on this journey, whether you encourage me to keep going, are encouraged to try something difficult in your own life, or even decide you could try to do this very thing or something like it for yourself. Read on.
The days before this race were uneventful. I had a lot of tough training runs this season, but I ran a glorious 22 miler 3 weeks before the race. My timing and cadence were perfect and I met the time goal I had set without any trouble, and had no trouble with recovery afterward. I felt like I was set up to make the previously mentioned goal of a sub 6-hour marathon. All I had to do was taper (reduce mileage), eat well, hydrate and carb load, which is what I did. I felt I was ready to make my goal and all signs pointed to success. So as I came to the starting line yesterday, I had confidence that I was going to do what I set out to do, all I had to do was repeat what I did three weeks ago, and just add 4.2 miles on top. But a marathon is a unique type of race. It is so long that there are any number of things that can go wrong, with so many variables that even the best of conditions and training can't predict the outcome, which is what I found out yesterday morning.
The race began at 6am. We all lined up, sang the national anthem, and we were off. It started out as it always does, with the crowd all crushed together and everyone jockeying for position. I had put myself at the back of the pack with the rest of the "slowpokes", but I was still being passed on both sides by many people. I made myself keep my pace down to conserve energy but a little bit of pride in me wanted to pick things up and keep up with the pack. A woman speed walked past me about a mile in, wearing a purple sequined sparkle skirt, swiveling her hips and snapping the skirt left and right. It was an almost ludicrous vision, I thought I shouldn't be letting that pass me, but I gritted my teeth, thinking when I had gotten enough miles in at the slow pace I would be able to speed up, catch up to and pass her. But I never saw her again.
I activated my GPS tracking watch at the beginning of the race, but I didn't check my times for each lap, I just wanted to record the course for my mileage tracking site. So I just ran according to my breathing and how I felt. For the most part I felt good, breathing, pace, cadence and all systems were go, nice and slow. For the first 10 miles or so I enjoyed the run, listening to worship music, and laughing as the first round of half marathoners passed me as though I was standing still. I joked to myself that it was probably the only time I'd ever share the same road as the elite runners.
I think it was around mile 12 that I started to think I might be in a little trouble. My legs had begun to fatigue despite the reduced pace. At that point I didn't want to get worried, there was nothing I could do to fix that. I've run on tired legs before, it's not fun but I can do it. If that is the only issue, it's not a big deal. But as the miles passed, more annoying little things began to pop up here and there, and from there on out things got worse.
A few miles later I noticed a pain in one of my toes. I remembered the night before when I had inadvertently stubbed my toe and bruised it a bit. I had put a band aid over it, but I could still feel the tender spot rubbing against my shoe. Again, nothing I could do to fix that, I just kept going. As each mile passed, more and more of these minor "annoyances" began to pile up. If it was just one or two of these things it wouldn't have been a problem, but it seemed like everything that could go wrong was going wrong. I don't want to make this a TMI post, so I will leave the specifics up to your imagination, but just imagine if you had 4 or 5 uncomfortable things going on at the same time how it would feel, and then add running to the mix of that. Not fun. To top things off, the sun came out when I still had 8 miles to go. Up until then the sun had been hidden behind the clouds, nice and cool, but as soon as it came out, things started to heat up. I was still able to run for about a mile after that, but I always run slower in full sun than under cloud cover, and I realized I had slowed down so much that people who were walking were passing me. It seemed silly to run then, so I started to walk too.
At mile 20 I began to have a battle of wills with myself. I was hot and tired and the pain in my legs was becoming more difficult to bear. I tried to remember experiencing this in my two previous marathons but I had to concede that this was something new for me. I'd had the fatigue and pain for sure, but usually not until the last couple of miles. I had been able to push through those two miles knowing that the end was close, but with more than six miles to go I had a hard time imagining being able to put up with that amount of pain for that long. I wasn't throwing in the towel yet, but I wondered really if I would be able to hang in that long under that condition. Up until then, the things that had been happening to me were mostly negative and frustrating, and I was thinking that things were just going to get worse, but a funny thing happened. As soon as I started feeling like I might give up, the annoying things that were happening to me were overshadowed as good things began to happen that lifted my spirits and gave me a "second wind". At this point there was no going faster for me, but getting to the finish line remained within my reach.
I had turned off my music long before reaching this point. I really can only listen to music for a few hours before the sounds begin to mash together and stop making sense. I wrapped the earphone cord around my arm and I turned back on my phone notifications on in case anyone wanted to reach me. It was just past mile 20 when I got a text from my boss. He's the head of my department at work, and I'm his admin. He had run the half marathon, and now he and some of our other co-workers who had also run the half and full marathons were wondering how I was doing. I texted back that I still had a long way to go, and he texted back that they would all wait for me to finish no matter how long it took, and encouraged me to do my best. I vowed that I would, and kept going.
After a little while, another speed-walking woman passed me. She saw me massaging the backs of my legs and asked if I was ok, and when I told her about my tight muscles she pulled out a bottle of muscle cooling spray and offered me some, which I accepted. It might seem strange to think of this exchange between two complete strangers, but between runners in a race there is really a family atmosphere, we often encourage one another as if we are long time friends. It's a wonderful thing and I really appreciated the woman sharing her supplies with me. She continued on her way and so did I.
Next came a man who was also speed walking. At this point I wasn't speed walking or doing anything remotely speedy. He chatted with me for a little while, we joked about our slowness and encouraged each other with the slow runners' unofficial motto: "it doesn't matter when you get there, as long as you get there!" He headed on his way but I felt better and kept going.
At mile 23 I passed a band playing rap music. I'm not a fan of rap but when I heard the lyrics I was encouraged, as they were Christians. I don't know if the song is a popular one or one of their original compositions, but it was an uplifting song about God's power in our lives. It encouraged my spirit and I picked up my pace for a ways after that.
The last hill on the course was halfway between mile 23 and 24. I was headed up that hill and there was a family there outside their house with a table set up. A little blonde boy about 6 or 7 years old came out with a tray of water filled cups and said, "here, have some ice-cold water." I took some and I asked if they would fill my water bottle too, and they took it and put ice water in it. It felt so good in that heat and I thanked them and went on my way. I know they were there all day for all the runners in the race and greeted them all with the same respect and helpful attitude, it was such a nice gesture, how they gave of their time and resources, it got me thinking thinking about how people can be giving and caring in this world, even when it seems most of the time to be selfish. That thought got me to the next mile marker.
Mile 24 was the point when I knew I was going to be ok. I was still walking slow and feeling all the pain, but the difference was that I knew I was in the home stretch. It was hot and icky but I just stayed focused, one foot in front of the other. I began to hear a loudspeaker behind me playing Johnny Cash songs. As "I've Been Everywhere" got louder and louder, I was passed by my former co-worker Salvador who is now an employee of RoadRunner Sports in Torrance, which happens to also be where I buy my running shoes and gear. He was running the full marathon while pushing a stroller with a boom box and a cooler full of supplies for runners. I had passed him earlier handing out drinks to other runners, now he handed me an ice-cold miniature can of Coke with a smile, saying "you're doing fine" as he passed me. I took it and drank it gladly as he passed by.
At this point in the race, I was alone most of the time. After awhile I noticed there was a young Asian man who was keeping pace with me. He seemed to be exhausted and looked like he didn't want to be there. As we passed the Mile 25 sign he was walking right next to me. I pointed it out and told him, "We are almost there! Look!" He smiled and started to talk to me. He told me that he was a senior in high school and his whole family had signed up for the marathon, and his dad had registered him without asking him and not training him. He had never run more than 10 miles before the race. Now they had all left him behind, I was the only one around other than him. I told him it was going to be ok, that he had made it that far and he was going to make it the last mile. We chatted for a while, he cheered up a bit, then two older men came up to him from the side of the road, it was his family coming to look for him after realizing he'd been left behind. They stayed with him after that, and I realized I was about half a mile from the finish line.
I got another text from my boss. He was waiting for me at the final turn before the finish line. I started to run again, not caring if it hurt or whatever. I just wanted to get this thing over with. As I approached the corner before the final stretch, my boss came out and ran alongside me for the last 200 meters. On the sidelines, my other co-workers cheered and clapped from behind the fence as I did the patented "runner's final stretch finish line sprint". I crossed the finish line as the clock struck 6 hours and 50 minutes gun time. I didn't care at that point what the clock said, I was just glad to be there. A teenage girl put a medal around my neck and more teenagers handed me bottled water and a bag of snacks as I passed through the chute. I met my co-workers in the tent with free food and booze. I had missed the food but there was plenty of booze left and orange juice. I let them enjoy the booze and I drank a couple glasses of OJ. We sat around and chatted about our races, posed for pictures, posted them on Facebook, and then went our separate ways. It was a good afternoon.
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| I got the same medal as the 4th through 2000-something place finishers got... |
I felt good all yesterday afternoon and last night. I didn't experience anything alarming like when I fainted at home in the shower after the LA Marathon. I removed my shoes, clothes and gear and discovered some new chafing and blisters I hadn't gotten before in previous races, but it's nothing a few band-aids can't help. At least I still have all my toenails. My legs feel great, which is funny to me considering what a big pain they were to me in the race yesterday. It seems to me they should hurt more now because they hurt more then, but I'm sure as heck not going to complain about less pain. This is even funnier to me because after my race yesterday I went to work and spent 5 hours at my desk in the chair from hell that makes my legs and back hurt even on regular non-running days, and then I spent the night on my bed with the bent mattress that usually leaves my back in spasms for several days post-race. As of right now, I just have a little bit of soreness in my legs and no problem with my back. I can bend, squat, walk up stairs and the like without much pain. It's just so weird to me that my race went so much worse than those previous, but my recovery is the opposite, it's much better than the first two. Eh. There's always an upside.
So what next? Logic might dictate that I should give up on the marathon. While I always improved my times in shorter race distances with subsequent attempts, my three marathon experiences have been the opposite, I've gotten slower each time out. But being a human being, especially a stubborn one, I will not give up on the marathon. I love races of all distances, and anything up to a half marathon race is fun for me. These are races I know that I can run without resting, races that will not cause me to spend a week recovering before I can run again, races I can put on silly outfits and pose for the photographers on the course. But the marathon is a different animal.
Marathon is a race that takes everything you've got. It's a race that stomps on you, hurts you and doesn't care about your feelings. It takes no prisoners. There is no easy marathon. There is no fun marathon. Marathons suck. So why do them? Everyone who runs a marathon has a different reason. Common thought is that no one is forced to do a marathon, though the boy I talked to on the course was there because his dad made him do it. But that is the exception. If you go on marathon or running pages on social media you will find lots of examples of people's reasons for doing them. They are raising money for a cause. They are trying to beat their personal record. They want to see what is possible for themselves. And many more. My own reason is simply, because I can. I couldn't before, and now I can. Because it's such a huge divide between who I was before and who I am now. Because it's hard and painful and difficult. A marathon forces you to think big. It forces you to dig deep, and find every last bit of your strength and resolve, even bits that you didn't know you had. For me, it helps me build my faith in God. I spent a lot of time talking to God and singing songs yesterday out on that course. It took my mind off the frustration and pain and kept me going forward when I was in the worst of it. The marathon is something that gives me a goal, something to focus on, strive for and aspire to, knowing that the journey to get there will be just as beneficial as the destination.
I have hope that I will conquer the marathon and make my goal eventually. I won't be able to control the when and how, all I can do is train the best I can, take care of myself, and study more about what other runners do in their marathons. I'll sign up again, taking into consideration what I've already learned and trying new things to find the best fit for me, and one day the conditions will be right, and I'll make that goal. Until then I will always respect the marathon, and be thankful for all I have learned in my training and running the races themselves. It's a long road, but so long as I keep going, I'll make that finish line, no matter how long it takes.
Thanks again for reading,
Stay tuned for round four!
-MaryAnne
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