Today's post has to do with my racing hobby. By now everyone knows I run in races from time to time. though I don't consider them to be a serious pursuit for myself because I'm not in any way, shape or form ever going to win one of those things. I doubt I'll even ever place in a race unless I run in really really small race and I'm only one of three in my age group. But I do enjoy the experience of running races very much, as I have touched on in some of my previous posts. There's the fun of being in a group of people with similar interests and goals, and then the goodies, giveaways, and of course, the medals, or rather, "race bling". There's nothing like having a shiny new medal on a colorful ribbon placed around your neck, wearing it the whole day and going to out eat at some restaurant where the calorie counts are higher than the mileage on you car, and laughing, "hey, here's the proof I earned this lunch!", then at the end of the day adding it to your collection, figuring out where to place it so that the arrangement is just perfect. So if I love it so much, why is it that lately I don't run in more races? Those of you who know me know that I'm getting in the miles. If I'm gonna run and I love the bling, I might as well run for bling, right? And therein lies the dig.
For those who have done at least one race, you know the reality of it is that those things are freaking expensive. It doesn't matter if you have a discount code, each one is going to set you back anywhere from 30 to beyond 200 bucks a pop, depending on the race. And that doesn't figure in the cost of gas, lodging (if it's a destination race), parking fees for both the race and packet pickup, and other various things that pop up. Not many runners can get through a race expo without shelling out money in addition to all the other costs for at least one new piece of fancy new or trendy gear, or a t-shirt with a snarky saying, or a box of Gu or Shot Bloks. There's a saying that running is cheaper than therapy, and despite the cost of running shoes and truly necessary gear, that may be true of just running itself. But once you add racing to the equation, it's by far a long way from the truth.
The first year or so that I ran, I signed up for the races that my running friends had signed up for as well. It was fun to be part of a crowd, and I enjoyed the get-togethers and post race photos, and general camaraderie of the activity. As I got further along in this pursuit and I began to accumulate a few race finisher medals, gradually I found myself signing up for races not because my friends were doing it, but because I wanted to get more of that bling. I didn't run races unless there was bling, and I signed up for races that had interesting bling, or extra bling, such as challenges. A challenge is when race organizers offer an extra medal to those who finish a specific combination of races. The first three half marathons I ever ran were part of a challenge, and I specifically ran those races so I could get that fourth piece of bling in addition to the one medal earned for each individual race. It developed into a bit of an obsession as time went on, and I didn't really think about the cost, I just got out my wallet every time I saw a race I wanted and went for it. To me, it was worth it because I had found something that I told myself was improving my life and fitness, and that it balanced out the cost of what I was paying.
Now, if I were a person with few financial obligations and a greater income base, this logic would make sense. Why not pay money for an activity and pursuit you enjoy if there is a positive result and there are no repercussions? There's nothing wrong with that. But the issue for me is that I had many years of bad financial choices that already stacked up mountains of debt by the time I began racing, and it was yet another money-sucking hobby adding to the pile. My piles of medals stacked up, and so did the credit card debt. This is pure honesty, guys. For most of my life I've been terrible with money, and my income has never matched the level of intensity of my addictive personality. I've gone from one expensive "hobby" or obsession to the next, and racing is only one of many expensive interests I've gotten into through the years. I get an interest, then collect this or that or the other thing, paying with plastic and putting the burden of debt out of my mind with mental blinders each time. It's only been in the past couple of years that my eyes have been opened to the weight of this character flaw of mine, how it has affected me and my family especially.
So now I am at the point where I have decided I have to let racing and other personal interests take a back seat to my financial obligations. It's been good for me since the beginning of this year, I am making a lot of headway with my financial maturity and for the first time in a long time our debts are actually shrinking overall rather than growing or staying on a plateau for extended periods of time. In my relationship with my husband, who is of course also our family's co-provider, I have been given a bit of a leash with allowance for personal spending, and I know it's for my own good even when I find myself at the end of it, and find myself just out of reach of where I think I want to be. So where does that leave me in regards to running? In a good place, though with boundaries that perhaps are taking a bit of getting used to for me. Gone are the days of the first two years that I ran, with me signing up for this or that race at a moment's notice. I have to delete lots of emails I'd love to open, knowing that each one will be a torment for me when I see how much fun I'm missing out on. Even my Facebook wall is annoying with the ads. They know me. Costume Party Run! 80's Run! Color Run! I scroll as fast as I can, but they catch up with me no matter how fast I go. It's painful sometimes, but cutting back on racing has helped our financial situation for sure, and I enjoy getting my bills and seeing the numbers slowly, slowly shrinking down one month at a time.
As good as it feels to make progress in this arena of my life, there is one unfortunate side effect, that has been the creation in me of what I think of as a great big green-eyed race day medal envy monster. In the most common usage, the green eyed monster refers to envy over money. But being as how I have green eyes, I find the description to be apt for this alter ego of mine. This is the person that I have started to see appear nearly every weekend as I scroll through the walls of my various social media outlets and see the happy race day photos that many of my FB and IG running friends from all over the country and even the world are posting. They smile as they wave their shiny new bling and hug each other in victorious group photos, and I scroll past, gnashing my teeth and wishing I was there with them. I look up at my medal collection on the wall of my bedroom, for a time unable to see that I have so many medals already and have accomplished amazing things to get them, instead seeing empty spaces that would be a perfect fit for this or that race medal that my friends have gotten. But that's insane. I have run many more races and have a lot more race medals than most people I know, and I seriously doubt any of them get all bent out of shape when I post race day photos of my new bling. In fact, they generally encourage me and tell me they are inspired by my accomplishments.
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| My entire medal collection, from the 2011 Bubba Gump 5k to this year's Hollywood Half and Best of LA Challenge last April. Not too shabby! |
So at this point, I'm working on vanquishing the big ugly medal envy monster. The cure for it is simple, really. I need to remember that my life choices got me to where I am now, and perhaps if I had made better financial choices in the past, then I could afford to run races every weekend and have a pile of medals so big that I could swim through them like Scrooge McDuck in his vat of money. Don't think I'm kidding. I'd totally do it. But since I can't I can only do this. When I see those race posts in my feed, I'm gonna hit the like button and mean it. I'm gonna cheer my awesome running friends on because they are tough, determined and strong, and if they have cute outfits and their bling is awesome and they get PR's I'll annoy them with cheerful comments. In doing this, I vow that I will no longer allow someone else's joyful moment to be a catalyst for my own personal pity party.
It's gonna be long road for me to get out of my financial situation, but I can already see that there is light at the end of that tunnel. And who knows if by the time I get there I will still be obsessed with accumulating shiny bling, or if a new interest will have taken hold. I tend to go from personal fad to personal fad, and though I don't see myself stopping running or racing altogether, knowing my history, I can easily see myself finding new activities to enjoy in addition to it, and I may eventually reduce training for and running races as I spend more time pursuing the next interest that I find. But no matter what I end up doing, the most important thing to remember is that my legacy is going to be measured in neither mementos or miles. It will be only measured in the impact I have in the lives of those I am associated with, who know me personally or virtually, who read my posts and see my pictures and hear my voice and see my face. Did I lift people up or bring them down? I love my medals and enjoy seeing them on my wall, but in the end they won't matter, neither will my PR's or total miles run or how many pairs of Brooks and Adidas I wore out. I've gotta focus on the best that has come out in my running these past years, and that is hearing people say they are inspired by me and that they are trying to improve their own lives because they saw the positive things that I was able to in mine.
So to all my running friends, keep racing! To all those who want to get into racing, go for it! Post your awesome race status updates and pics, and I'll be your personal cheering squad from my smart phone. Unless you are running the same race as me. In that case, when the starting line comes up, you will have to watch my backside disappear into the crowd. Because there will be bling waiting for me at the finish line, and I won't be waiting around to cheer for anyone until it's in my hot little hand. What can I say, I gotta be me. Happy running to all!
Congratulations on making it to the end of one of my posts! You should get a medal for that alone. I've got an ugly Bubba Gump Shrimp 5k medal that's at the back of my pile. Send me your address and I'll put it in the mail, stat. First come, first serve. On second thought, never mind that. A medal is a medal, and if I give them away, I'll never have enough to swim through! But if you are interested in starting a collection of your own, let me know. I've got lots of race emails I can forward to you.
Until next time,
-MaryAnne
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