So yesterday I went out for little jog, as usual for Saturday morning. I got up at 4am, ate my oatmeal, drank my coffee, got out and was on the road and ready to run by 5am. It started out pretty good, but as the day dawned I started to get a little frustrated. Notice I said, "the day dawned" and not "the sun rose". Because I'm pretty sure that yesterday the ol' sun decided to take himself a little sabbatical and not come out at all. He stuck a really big version of one of those curly light bulbs in the sky, threw some clouds over them so no one would notice, and went back to bed.
Now, normally I'm totally stoked when there is cloud cover while I'm running. Because it means I don't have to endure the life-sucking heat rays of the aforementioned sun. But it was really really gloomy yesterday, and having recovered from a cold I'd had earlier that week, I was just hoping for some warm sunshine to heat my cold, cabin-fevered bones. Then, to make matters worse, around mile 7 my silly phone started to malfunction. The "voice dialer" would activate for no particular reason, and no matter how many times I hit the "quit" button, it refused to disengage. The reason this was irritating is that the music I was listening to kept starting and stopping, and we all know that it's impossible to run without some sort of mechanical distraction plugged into our ears to drown out the gasping, wheezing, grunting and thigh flapping sounds our bodies make when we run. Now my poor phone has been through a lot these past few months. It's been dropped, stepped on, and otherwise tortured, so it runs slow and has all sorts of interesting glitches. Once in awhile, when I ask it do something complicated (like run a GPS sports tracker app and play music at the same time,) it stomps its feet, crosses its arms, shakes its head and says, "you must be kidding". So yesterday's technical difficulties had me fiddling with my phone for a good 20 minutes and then having to warm up all over again and convince my legs to finish the rest of my run.
So when I did finish my run, I was kind of bummed. I felt "off my game" and figured I hadn't done too well, but when I sat down to rest (which by the way you're not supposed to do, you're supposed to stretch right away after running to keep your muscles from cramping up, so do what I say and not what I do), and looked at my tracking app, I was surprised to find that I'd done a lot better than I thought I had. I had set out to finish 14 miles, which I did, and with a time 6 minutes faster than my previous best time for that distance. So much for "having a bad run". Even though I'd been discouraged, my body had disengaged itself from my brain and all the negative thoughts and just done what I'd trained it to do: run at a comfortable pace until I finished the distance I wanted to finish that day. And I realized that that has been the key to my success in running. The work I put into my training has accomplished its purpose in bringing me to the level I desire to be, so that even when I have a difficult time in doing it, I have what I need to complete what I set out to do.
It's been an interesting journey these past few years, seeing the changes that have come to pass in my life. The obvious changes have of course been those directly related to running. I've been blessed to have a lot of things come together for me to make it possible to enjoy running: my desire to be healthy, the nice weather in my hometown, good places to run, time to be out running. But the main foundation of all these changes has been one thing: discipline. Sometimes we think of that as almost a dirty word, because when we realize we are not disciplined, we feel guilty and try to hide from it. Even though we know the habits we have are dragging us down and causing a lot of damage, we deny there is anything wrong and keep doing what we want because we either think we don't need to change, or that even if we want to change it is impossible. Throughout my life I've dealt with these thoughts in many areas of my life, it just happens that my weight was the most evident of them and the biggest obstacle for me to overcome. It has taken monumental amounts of work to get where I am now in my fitness level, and I was only able to do it because I allowed discipline to take control in my life.
So I've been at this for two years now. I have trained myself to think and act differently in how I regard fitness and specifically, eating and running, and then apply the knowledge continuously through my actions. That is the root of discipline. First you think it, then you do it, and keep doing it even when it seems hard. You remind yourself constantly of where you've been, who you want to be, and don't let yourself fall below the standards you set because you know and believe you can be what you want to be, and don't allow yourself to settle for anything less. So how do you do that? It starts with the decision to change. You put aside all the negative thoughts, tell your stupid brain to just shut up, and you take the first step. Then another and another and another. And when you reach your goal, don't ever look back, because if you allow yourself to think your old thoughts for even a second, it's too easy to rationalize a little bit here and a little bit there until you realize you've undone all your hard work and gone back to being the person you fought so hard to leave behind.
The discipline I've developed in my running has had the incredible effect of spilling over into other areas of my life. I don't really want to go into specific detail because it would greatly increase the length of this post, but I wanted to mention it because it has been such an amazing experience for me over the past couple of years. I have seen the physical change in my body, but have reaped the most benefits in joy, peace, in my heart and in my spirit, by finding the courage to deal with other areas of my life that, like my weight, had discouraged and plagued me for much of my life, causing me to feel like a failure, like a dead weight, worthless and empty. I have been set free by cultivating discipline in my life, and though I'm far from perfect, I wake up every day knowing it is possible for me to live victoriously over all my character flaws, that I have the tools I need to overcome any obstacles, and that life from now on can only get better for me. I only hope to encourage all my readers that whatever it is that is holding you back, just let it go and take the first step. It may be hard to let go of some habits or ideas that you think define you and how you live, but if you want to make the change, just do it and don't look back. I promise the only regret you will have is that you didn't do it sooner.
As usual, thank you again for reading, and feel free to share/repost if you are encouraged.
Until next time!
-MaryAnne
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