So last Saturday I turned 39. Which means that, as of right now, I'm less than one year from turning the BIG 4-0. I suppose I should be all bummed and stuff about it, that I'm going over the hill and all, but somehow I just can't. Because right now I feel better than I ever have in my entire life. I keep thinking about all the things I am capable of doing right now, at this ripe old age, and rather than being down about the onward march of time, I am excited every day to see what is going to happen next. You see, going back through the years, I can see that there is not a single time in my life when I was ever capable of doing the things I am doing now. Ever. Not in my 20's. Not in my teens. Not even in childhood. And at any point in my life up until about 2 1/2 years ago, if you had told me what I would be capable of doing at the age of 39, I would have told you that you were nuts. Because I could never have imagined it would be possible.
I was a skinny kid until I was about 11. I was somewhat active, but kept most of my activities to kids stuff, not physically challenging activities. I was not athletic-minded and didn't much like PE class. I never matched up to my classmates in skills, speed and athletic ability. I sucked at jumping rope, I wasn't flexible, and couldn't climb that stupid rope in the middle of the gym. And I failed ski school, which is basically a badge of shame for a kid growing up in the land of future Winter Olympic hopefuls. By the time I was in my pre-teens, my eating habits caught up with my lack of physical activity, and I started to pack on the pounds. In Jr. High and High School, PE class was even more challenging than elementary school, but despite my being less than athletic, it wasn't so bad. I enjoyed many sports and games, played on the school's softball team for 3 seasons, and even went for a few rounds of Powder Puff football. Though that was more stupid than sport.
In fact, there was only one athletic activity that I really hated: running. In the other activities in PE class I could almost match up to some of the kids in the class in ability, but running pretty much showed me where I really stood in the scheme of things. Dead last. We would go out in the woods to run, and at first I could keep up with the pack, but soon they all left me behind. By the time I would drag my butt to the end of the course, the other kids had already gone back to the locker room. I hated being tired and feeling worn out, but even more than that I hated going back to that locker room and facing the other kids. I can't recall anyone ever picking on me about my slow running, but just that they knew how sucky I was was humiliating enough for me.
Then I got bronchitis. It was my junior year of high school. After I recovered, I discovered that I was having trouble breathing on occasion. My doctor diagnosed me with asthma, specifically asthma triggered by strenuous physical activity. I should have been bummed, but it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Because the doctor told me I didn't have to run in PE class any more. I took a note to my PE teacher and every time the class went running, I would either walk the short course, or just sit on my butt on the bleachers while they all trotted through the woods. And that suited me just fine.
There was one challenging physical activitiy I really did enjoy in my younger years, which was hiking. My dad would take us out in the woods and we'd explore beautiful forests, with streams and lakes and treasures hidden from the world that only the brave and persistent could find. I loved those hiking trips as a kid, but as I got older and heavier, they got more and more difficult. I'll never forget the day we climbed Mt. Rose. I was about 11 or 12 when we did that hike. It was the whole family out there that day. I don't remember where the trailhead was in those days, but I think it was about the same distance round trip as it is now from the highway summit trailhead, about 10 miles, with 2000 feet of elevation gain. Up until then I'd been ok on hikes, but this one kicked my butt. I had to rest a lot, and the last climb to the summit nearly got to me. I was sitting on a rock resting, and a stranger on his way down remarked, "Hey there! You should get going, your family is waiting up there for you! Your dad made it. Your mom made it. Your brother made it. Heck, even the dog made it!" So I got off my butt and made it to the summit. I don't remember much about what happened after that, just that it was hard and I was glad it when was over.
I did a few more hikes after that, but eventually it just got too hard. The last one I remember was hiking to Velma Lakes with my brother Mike and cousin Eric just after I graduated high school. I think it was only 3 or 4 miles to the lake, but I barely made it there. It was uphill most of the way and despite how beautiful it was, I hated that hike because I had to keep stopping to rest. The two guys were polite and waited for me for most of the trip, but at one point they ditched me in the woods all alone with the bears and mountain lions and wombats and rabid squirrels so they could go enjoy chilling by the lake while I tried to avoid being eaten. I survived somehow, but after that I didn't do much hiking, other than occasional walks along the trails in the woods near my house. By the time I moved to Long Beach I forgot all about hiking, putting it away in my mind with other rites of my childhood, the things that I'd loved, but let go of because I figured they were lost due to aging and my physical condition.
Fast forward about 15 years, to the day I looked at my 300+ lb lard butt in a hotel bathroom mirror, and decided to do something about it. You guys know the rest. I went for walks, stopped eating so much junk, lost a bunch of weight, and started to feel good. And then I became a runner. So now you kind of get the idea how much this running thing means to me. Because it's not like I was ever a good runner at any point in my life and lost the ability. No, up until recently, it was always difficult, horrible and humiliating. Which is why it's so darn liberating to do it now. Every time I run I'm stomping on my old habits and ways of thinking, and showing them who's boss. I'm reveling in freedom from the bonds I put on myself in my younger years, when I compared myself to the other kids, told myself I was a failure because I wasn't as good as them, and accepted being out of shape as a fact of life. And the best thing about being a runner is what it has done for my overall physical well-being, in strength, persistence and endurance. As much as I enjoy running, more than that I enjoy being able to do other things that for so many years I had assumed were lost to me, but are now once again within reach because of my improved physical ability.
So in an attempt to wrap things up, I'll go back to why I'm so stoked about turning 39. About a year ago, I visited my dad for his 80th birthday. There was only one thing that the man of the mountains wanted to do to mark that momentous occasion: hike to Mt. Rose. Yep. The one and only. So I took my dad and the poor unsuspecting Filipino guy that I'm married to, and we got on the trail. My dad was a real trooper, he made it 4/5 of the way in before he decided it would be best to call it a day. But he told us to go up to the summit and meet up with him later. So we did. And this time it was a different story. I didn't drag up that hill. I charged up it. The wind was blowing, the sun was glaring, and there was little air to speak of up there close to 11,000 feet elevation. But I conquered that peak, and came down wanting to crow like a whole flock of roosters. When I got home to Southern California, I found myself researching places to hike, hoping to rediscover the joy I'd had exploring the back country when I was a kid. I found lots of descriptions of hiking adventures, and remembering how I loved the mountaintop hikes the most, I sought those out the most fervently.
Last fall, I took the plunge and went on my first serious SoCal hike. I took on Mt. Wilson. It seemed like it should be a moderate hike for someone in my physical condition, but I overestimated my ability and didn't plan properly, so of course, it didn't go well. For more on that, read my "Just Keep Climbing" post. Like my misadventures in the woods to Velma Lakes, it was grueling and difficult and got me down because I didn't finish it the way I'd dreamed. But instead of giving up and throwing in the towel like my old self would have done, I was determined to show old Mt. Wilson who's boss. And so in April this year, I went back and did just that. It was an awesome experience, exactly everything I'd hoped the first one would be. And the confidence I gained from that hike set the stage for planning my 39th birthday adventure.
The mountain hike I've read the most about on various hiking websites and such is the hike to Mt. San Antonio, know colloquially in Southern California as "Old Mt. Baldy". At 10,068 feet, it is the tallest peak in the San Gabriel Mountains. It is accessible by two trails: the "Devil's Backbone" trail, which is nearly 7 miles from the trailhead to the summit, and the "Ski Hut" trail, which is 4.5 miles. Both routes challenge hikers with nearly 4,000 feet of elevation gain from the parking lot to the summit. Most hikers do a loop, taking one trail to the summit and taking the other one down, in order to enjoy all the views that the hike has to offer. Now, I'd done the two Mt. Wilson hikes solo, but had been advised not to take on Baldy the first time alone. So as my birthday approached, I begged the poor unsuspecting Filipino guy to come with me so I could hike Mt. Baldy to commemorate the day. He was a little leery, so I told him it would be the same as Mt. Rose. I think I bald-faced lied. Poor guy. It's a good thing that he's a really good sport. Or I'd probably still be there on Mt. Baldy, alone with the bears and wombats, because he would have abandoned me there halfway up the crazy-steep Ski Hut trail that I made him hike if he wasn't.
So, in the end it was a great day. Despite a little grumbling from my other half on the ascent and some difficulty with the descent on my part, we really enjoyed the hike. We came, we saw, we conquered, we bought the T-shirt. And I came home with yet another awesome experience for my collection. And that's what my life really boils down to right now. I might be getting older, but the way I see it, in my situation, I'm actually getting younger. As I continue to work on improving my fitness level, I can do more and more things I never imagined possible, and the best part is that I know I'm not nearly close to being at my peak. I'm already setting goals and making preparations for the next level that I'd like to reach, with confidence that with patience and determination, I can achieve those goals just the same as I've reached all the others that I made. Less than a year from now I will turn 40. And I'm confident that rather than going "over the hill", instead, to commemorate it, sometime next summer I'll be going "up a hill". A big one. Not sure which one yet, though Mt. Whitney is first on my list. It's an awesome feeling to me that despite our culture's emphasis on basing our abilities on age, the approaching age of 40 does not scare me, that instead it inspires me to prove that age is just a number, and we are only as old as we let ourselves be. It might seem like a cliché, but the very life I'm living is proof of it!
So, my friends, I hope you enjoyed my longer-than-usual stream of consciousness. I promise to do a post with more pictures and less blah blah blah soon, but until then, keep reading and reposting if you think your friends can stand me. Thanks so much, and see you next time!
-MaryAnne
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Back To Basics
Here I am again at my computer, hammering out some thoughts and hoping against hope that I can get them all put in order and published for my adoring public of approximately 12 faithful readers before my brain goes to mush and I forget what I wanted to say. As I write this I have approximately 3 or 4 posts that I started and never finished, simply because I have a tendency to write way too much. I always need to go through and edit, cut and polish before I feel ready to post, and while the writing part is not too hard, the editing part is where I get all bogged down. The good news is, if I ever hit a dry spell where I go for awhile without thinking of anything to write, I've got those posts already started and I can just go cannibalize them for ideas. However, that day is not today, so off we go with the latest stuff swimming around in my brain.
I have written post after post about running, especially about my love for doing races, how much it all means to me and how it's helped me accomplish a lot towards my health. So it may come as a surprise to many that I've decided to take a break from racing for awhile, and to just focus on my training runs. I have several reasons for this, thus the ever wordy blog post.
A few weeks back, I ran another half marathon. It was my third half marathon this year. In addition to that, so far this year I've also run a full marathon and done a 5k walk thrown in for good measure. That's a whole lot crammed together in just over 5 months time. I have a whole wall covered with shiny, sparkly medals now, they hang by my bed to remind me of my accomplishments and how far I've come. So why the pause now? Because while I was able to complete each race in reasonable time, I know that I could have done better. Last year I ran a total of three half marathons, one 10k and two 5ks over the course of the entire year. Each time I raced a half, I had a nice fat PR to crow about over the previous one, for the simple reason that I had several months time in between each one to train. This time around, I've still gotten a couple of PR's, but each only a minute or better than the previous best. While any runner would tell you that any PR is a good PR, in my case I am still a new runner and still moving up in my ability. I know that my progress should be more significant because I'm not anywhere near my peak yet.
So why did I run so many races the past few months? Simply put, I got excited. After all my personal victories last year, I started to feel just a teeny bit invincible. I wanted to keep feeling that wonderful feeling, so I signed up for every race I could that fit my personal criteria of challenging, but still fun and exciting. A race through the streets of Los Angeles at night. A race "with the stars" along Hollywood Blvd. A race where all the participants were women and we got to wear the most awesome pink outfits, where we all got tiaras and feather boas at the finish line, along with a giant medal handed to us by a handsome shirtless man who wore the pants of a Fireman, that we were all pretty sure wasn't really a Fireman but we didn't really care . And then there was that marathon. I'd decided to do a marathon last summer, and I set my sights on the race that I'd run as my first half marathon the previous year as the same race I'd do for my first full. For sentimental reasons and all.
The marathon was in February, and I finished it in 6 hours and 27 minutes. I told myself I was happy because I had finished, but something about my time nagged at me. And it was simply the knowledge that I could have done better. I had started training for the Surf City Marathon in October, after running the Long Beach Half Marathon. Up until that time I had never run more than 13.1 miles. I was scared, but with a pep talk from my other half, I got out there and ran 14 miles. The next week I did 16 miles, then 18. I was ready to get up to 20, but something happened and I had to miss a week or so of training. I can't remember what happened, could have been illness or injury or any number of things. For the next couple months I kept doing that 14, 16 and 18 miles, but couldn't get up to 20. Something always came up. Then winter and the holidays came along. I tried to run but it was cold, rainy, and there were lots of activities and trips that prevented me from sticking to my training plan. I still ran somewhat regularly, but was nowhere near the level I wanted to be. When January rolled around, I still hadn't done a 20 miler, and there was just one month to the marathon. I ran a half marathon the first weekend in January, then set my sights on cramming in as much training as possible before the marathon. Two weeks before the race, I finally made it up to 20 miles. And after that, I didn't do another long run until the day of the race.
The marathon was tough. Well, duh. I don't think a marathon is easy for anyone. But it thoroughly kicked my butt. I came in like 2020th out of like 2090. I say "like" because I don't have the exact stats in front of me, but that's pretty darn close. Out of more than 2,000 people, I only beat about 70. Of course I was ecstatic to finish the darn thing and have a marathon medal to add to my collection and a new sticker to put on my car, but I just couldn't shake the nagging feeling that it was not what it could have been. So what went wrong? Too many distractions during training. I had tried to cram in a lot of training during the wrong time of year, and threw off my training by running another race too close to the big one. So after that, I figured I would get back into the swing of things with the next two races I had lined up, and that all that marathon training would translate into huge half marathon PRs. But that didn't happen either. Like the marathon, I did acceptably well, but not nearly as well as I'd hoped. The races were so close together that I spent more time in tapering (before the race) and recovery (after the race) than I did in actual training. I did short maintenance runs, but couldn't get in those long training runs that I needed to build back up my endurance for the races.
So what's my plan now? I'm getting back to basics. For one thing, I still need to lose some weight. I've been chasing a sub 200 number on the scale since last July when I finally saw the exact number 200, and ever since then I've been see-sawing between 200 and 205, never dipping lower. I've gotta go back to how I started losing weight in the first place, evaluating what I'm eating and working on eliminating and replacing the problem foods until I reach my weight loss goal of Shall Not Be Named Until A Later Time. Second, I need to go back to running for the sake of running, for the purpose of fitness and not just for adding shiny things to my wall. I know that a regular, uninterrupted running routine will do wonders for my fitness goal because that's what worked before. Finally, I have set a goal of running another full marathon next year, and to reach that goal I need to be training now, not waiting until just a few months before. This isn't the same case for all runners, but I have a lot of work to do so I'm determined to take the time to work my way up to the level where I will be comfortable to not only finish, but run the whole thing and take a nice, big chunk off my previous time.
I am not going to give up completely on running my beloved half marathons and other smaller races. But I've set some new standards for them. First of all, I will give myself adequate time between them. That means looking ahead and knowing I'm going to have to make some tough choices. There are some races that I've run that I have wonderful sentimental value for and will have a hard time giving up. But I'd rather be able to show up prepared for the challenge, have a good time and feel satisfied with the result, than simply show up to finish and have another medal for my wall. When I look at my medals, I want to remember having a victorious experience for each one, and a celebration of the accomplishment of each race each time I see them. Some runners can run races on a regular basis and have that experience with each one, but at this point in my journey I'm not at that level yet.
So for now, it's back to basics for me. I'm already at a good place to start, I know that it's just a matter of taking time, and having focus, determination and faith to get me where I want to be. I'm ready to get started, and looking forward to seeing what the next few months will bring.
Thanks again for reading, and as usual, if you like what you read, please feel free to share! See you all next time!
-MaryAnne
I have written post after post about running, especially about my love for doing races, how much it all means to me and how it's helped me accomplish a lot towards my health. So it may come as a surprise to many that I've decided to take a break from racing for awhile, and to just focus on my training runs. I have several reasons for this, thus the ever wordy blog post.
A few weeks back, I ran another half marathon. It was my third half marathon this year. In addition to that, so far this year I've also run a full marathon and done a 5k walk thrown in for good measure. That's a whole lot crammed together in just over 5 months time. I have a whole wall covered with shiny, sparkly medals now, they hang by my bed to remind me of my accomplishments and how far I've come. So why the pause now? Because while I was able to complete each race in reasonable time, I know that I could have done better. Last year I ran a total of three half marathons, one 10k and two 5ks over the course of the entire year. Each time I raced a half, I had a nice fat PR to crow about over the previous one, for the simple reason that I had several months time in between each one to train. This time around, I've still gotten a couple of PR's, but each only a minute or better than the previous best. While any runner would tell you that any PR is a good PR, in my case I am still a new runner and still moving up in my ability. I know that my progress should be more significant because I'm not anywhere near my peak yet.
So why did I run so many races the past few months? Simply put, I got excited. After all my personal victories last year, I started to feel just a teeny bit invincible. I wanted to keep feeling that wonderful feeling, so I signed up for every race I could that fit my personal criteria of challenging, but still fun and exciting. A race through the streets of Los Angeles at night. A race "with the stars" along Hollywood Blvd. A race where all the participants were women and we got to wear the most awesome pink outfits, where we all got tiaras and feather boas at the finish line, along with a giant medal handed to us by a handsome shirtless man who wore the pants of a Fireman, that we were all pretty sure wasn't really a Fireman but we didn't really care . And then there was that marathon. I'd decided to do a marathon last summer, and I set my sights on the race that I'd run as my first half marathon the previous year as the same race I'd do for my first full. For sentimental reasons and all.
The marathon was in February, and I finished it in 6 hours and 27 minutes. I told myself I was happy because I had finished, but something about my time nagged at me. And it was simply the knowledge that I could have done better. I had started training for the Surf City Marathon in October, after running the Long Beach Half Marathon. Up until that time I had never run more than 13.1 miles. I was scared, but with a pep talk from my other half, I got out there and ran 14 miles. The next week I did 16 miles, then 18. I was ready to get up to 20, but something happened and I had to miss a week or so of training. I can't remember what happened, could have been illness or injury or any number of things. For the next couple months I kept doing that 14, 16 and 18 miles, but couldn't get up to 20. Something always came up. Then winter and the holidays came along. I tried to run but it was cold, rainy, and there were lots of activities and trips that prevented me from sticking to my training plan. I still ran somewhat regularly, but was nowhere near the level I wanted to be. When January rolled around, I still hadn't done a 20 miler, and there was just one month to the marathon. I ran a half marathon the first weekend in January, then set my sights on cramming in as much training as possible before the marathon. Two weeks before the race, I finally made it up to 20 miles. And after that, I didn't do another long run until the day of the race.
The marathon was tough. Well, duh. I don't think a marathon is easy for anyone. But it thoroughly kicked my butt. I came in like 2020th out of like 2090. I say "like" because I don't have the exact stats in front of me, but that's pretty darn close. Out of more than 2,000 people, I only beat about 70. Of course I was ecstatic to finish the darn thing and have a marathon medal to add to my collection and a new sticker to put on my car, but I just couldn't shake the nagging feeling that it was not what it could have been. So what went wrong? Too many distractions during training. I had tried to cram in a lot of training during the wrong time of year, and threw off my training by running another race too close to the big one. So after that, I figured I would get back into the swing of things with the next two races I had lined up, and that all that marathon training would translate into huge half marathon PRs. But that didn't happen either. Like the marathon, I did acceptably well, but not nearly as well as I'd hoped. The races were so close together that I spent more time in tapering (before the race) and recovery (after the race) than I did in actual training. I did short maintenance runs, but couldn't get in those long training runs that I needed to build back up my endurance for the races.
So what's my plan now? I'm getting back to basics. For one thing, I still need to lose some weight. I've been chasing a sub 200 number on the scale since last July when I finally saw the exact number 200, and ever since then I've been see-sawing between 200 and 205, never dipping lower. I've gotta go back to how I started losing weight in the first place, evaluating what I'm eating and working on eliminating and replacing the problem foods until I reach my weight loss goal of Shall Not Be Named Until A Later Time. Second, I need to go back to running for the sake of running, for the purpose of fitness and not just for adding shiny things to my wall. I know that a regular, uninterrupted running routine will do wonders for my fitness goal because that's what worked before. Finally, I have set a goal of running another full marathon next year, and to reach that goal I need to be training now, not waiting until just a few months before. This isn't the same case for all runners, but I have a lot of work to do so I'm determined to take the time to work my way up to the level where I will be comfortable to not only finish, but run the whole thing and take a nice, big chunk off my previous time.
I am not going to give up completely on running my beloved half marathons and other smaller races. But I've set some new standards for them. First of all, I will give myself adequate time between them. That means looking ahead and knowing I'm going to have to make some tough choices. There are some races that I've run that I have wonderful sentimental value for and will have a hard time giving up. But I'd rather be able to show up prepared for the challenge, have a good time and feel satisfied with the result, than simply show up to finish and have another medal for my wall. When I look at my medals, I want to remember having a victorious experience for each one, and a celebration of the accomplishment of each race each time I see them. Some runners can run races on a regular basis and have that experience with each one, but at this point in my journey I'm not at that level yet.
So for now, it's back to basics for me. I'm already at a good place to start, I know that it's just a matter of taking time, and having focus, determination and faith to get me where I want to be. I'm ready to get started, and looking forward to seeing what the next few months will bring.
Thanks again for reading, and as usual, if you like what you read, please feel free to share! See you all next time!
-MaryAnne
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Discipline and The New You
So yesterday I went out for little jog, as usual for Saturday morning. I got up at 4am, ate my oatmeal, drank my coffee, got out and was on the road and ready to run by 5am. It started out pretty good, but as the day dawned I started to get a little frustrated. Notice I said, "the day dawned" and not "the sun rose". Because I'm pretty sure that yesterday the ol' sun decided to take himself a little sabbatical and not come out at all. He stuck a really big version of one of those curly light bulbs in the sky, threw some clouds over them so no one would notice, and went back to bed.
Now, normally I'm totally stoked when there is cloud cover while I'm running. Because it means I don't have to endure the life-sucking heat rays of the aforementioned sun. But it was really really gloomy yesterday, and having recovered from a cold I'd had earlier that week, I was just hoping for some warm sunshine to heat my cold, cabin-fevered bones. Then, to make matters worse, around mile 7 my silly phone started to malfunction. The "voice dialer" would activate for no particular reason, and no matter how many times I hit the "quit" button, it refused to disengage. The reason this was irritating is that the music I was listening to kept starting and stopping, and we all know that it's impossible to run without some sort of mechanical distraction plugged into our ears to drown out the gasping, wheezing, grunting and thigh flapping sounds our bodies make when we run. Now my poor phone has been through a lot these past few months. It's been dropped, stepped on, and otherwise tortured, so it runs slow and has all sorts of interesting glitches. Once in awhile, when I ask it do something complicated (like run a GPS sports tracker app and play music at the same time,) it stomps its feet, crosses its arms, shakes its head and says, "you must be kidding". So yesterday's technical difficulties had me fiddling with my phone for a good 20 minutes and then having to warm up all over again and convince my legs to finish the rest of my run.
So when I did finish my run, I was kind of bummed. I felt "off my game" and figured I hadn't done too well, but when I sat down to rest (which by the way you're not supposed to do, you're supposed to stretch right away after running to keep your muscles from cramping up, so do what I say and not what I do), and looked at my tracking app, I was surprised to find that I'd done a lot better than I thought I had. I had set out to finish 14 miles, which I did, and with a time 6 minutes faster than my previous best time for that distance. So much for "having a bad run". Even though I'd been discouraged, my body had disengaged itself from my brain and all the negative thoughts and just done what I'd trained it to do: run at a comfortable pace until I finished the distance I wanted to finish that day. And I realized that that has been the key to my success in running. The work I put into my training has accomplished its purpose in bringing me to the level I desire to be, so that even when I have a difficult time in doing it, I have what I need to complete what I set out to do.
It's been an interesting journey these past few years, seeing the changes that have come to pass in my life. The obvious changes have of course been those directly related to running. I've been blessed to have a lot of things come together for me to make it possible to enjoy running: my desire to be healthy, the nice weather in my hometown, good places to run, time to be out running. But the main foundation of all these changes has been one thing: discipline. Sometimes we think of that as almost a dirty word, because when we realize we are not disciplined, we feel guilty and try to hide from it. Even though we know the habits we have are dragging us down and causing a lot of damage, we deny there is anything wrong and keep doing what we want because we either think we don't need to change, or that even if we want to change it is impossible. Throughout my life I've dealt with these thoughts in many areas of my life, it just happens that my weight was the most evident of them and the biggest obstacle for me to overcome. It has taken monumental amounts of work to get where I am now in my fitness level, and I was only able to do it because I allowed discipline to take control in my life.
So I've been at this for two years now. I have trained myself to think and act differently in how I regard fitness and specifically, eating and running, and then apply the knowledge continuously through my actions. That is the root of discipline. First you think it, then you do it, and keep doing it even when it seems hard. You remind yourself constantly of where you've been, who you want to be, and don't let yourself fall below the standards you set because you know and believe you can be what you want to be, and don't allow yourself to settle for anything less. So how do you do that? It starts with the decision to change. You put aside all the negative thoughts, tell your stupid brain to just shut up, and you take the first step. Then another and another and another. And when you reach your goal, don't ever look back, because if you allow yourself to think your old thoughts for even a second, it's too easy to rationalize a little bit here and a little bit there until you realize you've undone all your hard work and gone back to being the person you fought so hard to leave behind.
The discipline I've developed in my running has had the incredible effect of spilling over into other areas of my life. I don't really want to go into specific detail because it would greatly increase the length of this post, but I wanted to mention it because it has been such an amazing experience for me over the past couple of years. I have seen the physical change in my body, but have reaped the most benefits in joy, peace, in my heart and in my spirit, by finding the courage to deal with other areas of my life that, like my weight, had discouraged and plagued me for much of my life, causing me to feel like a failure, like a dead weight, worthless and empty. I have been set free by cultivating discipline in my life, and though I'm far from perfect, I wake up every day knowing it is possible for me to live victoriously over all my character flaws, that I have the tools I need to overcome any obstacles, and that life from now on can only get better for me. I only hope to encourage all my readers that whatever it is that is holding you back, just let it go and take the first step. It may be hard to let go of some habits or ideas that you think define you and how you live, but if you want to make the change, just do it and don't look back. I promise the only regret you will have is that you didn't do it sooner.
As usual, thank you again for reading, and feel free to share/repost if you are encouraged.
Until next time!
-MaryAnne
Now, normally I'm totally stoked when there is cloud cover while I'm running. Because it means I don't have to endure the life-sucking heat rays of the aforementioned sun. But it was really really gloomy yesterday, and having recovered from a cold I'd had earlier that week, I was just hoping for some warm sunshine to heat my cold, cabin-fevered bones. Then, to make matters worse, around mile 7 my silly phone started to malfunction. The "voice dialer" would activate for no particular reason, and no matter how many times I hit the "quit" button, it refused to disengage. The reason this was irritating is that the music I was listening to kept starting and stopping, and we all know that it's impossible to run without some sort of mechanical distraction plugged into our ears to drown out the gasping, wheezing, grunting and thigh flapping sounds our bodies make when we run. Now my poor phone has been through a lot these past few months. It's been dropped, stepped on, and otherwise tortured, so it runs slow and has all sorts of interesting glitches. Once in awhile, when I ask it do something complicated (like run a GPS sports tracker app and play music at the same time,) it stomps its feet, crosses its arms, shakes its head and says, "you must be kidding". So yesterday's technical difficulties had me fiddling with my phone for a good 20 minutes and then having to warm up all over again and convince my legs to finish the rest of my run.
So when I did finish my run, I was kind of bummed. I felt "off my game" and figured I hadn't done too well, but when I sat down to rest (which by the way you're not supposed to do, you're supposed to stretch right away after running to keep your muscles from cramping up, so do what I say and not what I do), and looked at my tracking app, I was surprised to find that I'd done a lot better than I thought I had. I had set out to finish 14 miles, which I did, and with a time 6 minutes faster than my previous best time for that distance. So much for "having a bad run". Even though I'd been discouraged, my body had disengaged itself from my brain and all the negative thoughts and just done what I'd trained it to do: run at a comfortable pace until I finished the distance I wanted to finish that day. And I realized that that has been the key to my success in running. The work I put into my training has accomplished its purpose in bringing me to the level I desire to be, so that even when I have a difficult time in doing it, I have what I need to complete what I set out to do.
It's been an interesting journey these past few years, seeing the changes that have come to pass in my life. The obvious changes have of course been those directly related to running. I've been blessed to have a lot of things come together for me to make it possible to enjoy running: my desire to be healthy, the nice weather in my hometown, good places to run, time to be out running. But the main foundation of all these changes has been one thing: discipline. Sometimes we think of that as almost a dirty word, because when we realize we are not disciplined, we feel guilty and try to hide from it. Even though we know the habits we have are dragging us down and causing a lot of damage, we deny there is anything wrong and keep doing what we want because we either think we don't need to change, or that even if we want to change it is impossible. Throughout my life I've dealt with these thoughts in many areas of my life, it just happens that my weight was the most evident of them and the biggest obstacle for me to overcome. It has taken monumental amounts of work to get where I am now in my fitness level, and I was only able to do it because I allowed discipline to take control in my life.
So I've been at this for two years now. I have trained myself to think and act differently in how I regard fitness and specifically, eating and running, and then apply the knowledge continuously through my actions. That is the root of discipline. First you think it, then you do it, and keep doing it even when it seems hard. You remind yourself constantly of where you've been, who you want to be, and don't let yourself fall below the standards you set because you know and believe you can be what you want to be, and don't allow yourself to settle for anything less. So how do you do that? It starts with the decision to change. You put aside all the negative thoughts, tell your stupid brain to just shut up, and you take the first step. Then another and another and another. And when you reach your goal, don't ever look back, because if you allow yourself to think your old thoughts for even a second, it's too easy to rationalize a little bit here and a little bit there until you realize you've undone all your hard work and gone back to being the person you fought so hard to leave behind.
The discipline I've developed in my running has had the incredible effect of spilling over into other areas of my life. I don't really want to go into specific detail because it would greatly increase the length of this post, but I wanted to mention it because it has been such an amazing experience for me over the past couple of years. I have seen the physical change in my body, but have reaped the most benefits in joy, peace, in my heart and in my spirit, by finding the courage to deal with other areas of my life that, like my weight, had discouraged and plagued me for much of my life, causing me to feel like a failure, like a dead weight, worthless and empty. I have been set free by cultivating discipline in my life, and though I'm far from perfect, I wake up every day knowing it is possible for me to live victoriously over all my character flaws, that I have the tools I need to overcome any obstacles, and that life from now on can only get better for me. I only hope to encourage all my readers that whatever it is that is holding you back, just let it go and take the first step. It may be hard to let go of some habits or ideas that you think define you and how you live, but if you want to make the change, just do it and don't look back. I promise the only regret you will have is that you didn't do it sooner.
As usual, thank you again for reading, and feel free to share/repost if you are encouraged.
Until next time!
-MaryAnne
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Caution: Running Can Be Contagious
So a couple months ago, I registered for a silly little race in Hollywood, CA, the aptly named "Hollywood Half Marathon". Some friends had run it last year, and I thought it sounded like fun. Festive, nice shiny blingy medal, and not too many hills (Hellooooo, New Year's Race). So after I signed up, I went through my usual routine: blab about it on Facebook, blab about it to my friends, blab about it at church, and so on. And a funny thing happened. People started asking me if they could join too. Now, this particular race had all the perks of a good race: multiple options (5k, 10k and half marathon), nice shirts, interesting course, and of course the aforementioned shiny blingy medals for all finishers. Pretty soon I was carrying my laptop with me every time I went to church, so that I could register anyone who asked. I became kind of an informal team captain, organizing the group and by the time race day arrived, there were 9 of us in all, including myself, most of them first time racers.
I was the only one doing the half marathon. That is my favorite race distance, for the simple fact that I'm lazy. That might sound strange, but I think about it like this: it might be longer, but I don't have to run as fast. When I run a 5k or a 10k, I really run it hard, because I know I won't have to keep up the pace for a long while. But when I do a half marathon, for the first two thirds or so, I keep my pace down and enjoy the run, then pick up a bit towards the end. It's like a nice two and a half hour jog around the neighborhood. The rest of the group signed up for the 5k and 10k races, and as we started there was the usual sense of anticipation with my group and the entire crowd as a whole. As we crossed the starting line, we separated out. The guys took off running, I did my usual "go ahead and pass me now, I'm gonna pass your butt later when you're all tired out because you don't know how to pace yourself" jog, and the other ladies stayed back walking.
My race went really well. The course was the usual for Los Angeles: city streets, freeway overpasses, concrete water holes that they try to pass off as lakes. The first part of the race was under a heavy cloud layer, but within the last 4 miles I could see the Griffith Observatory up on the hill above me. I never saw the Hollywood sign, it was probably visible but I was too busy trying not to bump into costumed runners around me. You would think the Hollywood race would inspire people to dress as celebrities, but instead it was the usual assortment of superheroes and random wackiness. Lots of Supermen and Superwomen, at least one Batman and Wonder Woman. I'm trying to figure that out. I guess maybe Wonder Woman runs sometimes, and when he's not flying Superman can run really fast, but what's with Batman? He doesn't run, he just drives around in his Batmobile. How come I never see anybody dressed up as the Flash? You'd think that would be the first one that comes to mind. But I digress. My favorite costume of the day was a tie between the 5 Marilyn Monroes (I think maybe one of them was a dude?) and Giant Banana Guy. Not sure how he ran in that thing, but it was definitely entertaining. I suppose one of these times I'll dress up in costume for a race, but then again....nah. Unless you can find Xena Warrior Princess in dri tech fabric, then I'll be all over that.
I finished my race in about the time I thought I would, and assembled the group for finish line photos. They were all excited, looking at their medals, laughing and chatting about the experience. We drove back to the South Bay, and went into the local Hometown Buffet in full race regalia, with our race bibs still pinned to our shirts and medals dangling from our necks. People stared at first, then began smiling as we passed back and forth from the buffet to our table. Knowing smiles, as if to say, "ah, you guys earned those calories!".
I've done so many races now that I've lost count, but the one I'll always remember the most was my first race. The Run Seal Beach 5k in April of 2011. I remember signing up. I remember going for walks to prepare. I remember waiting for the starting whistle, getting out on the course, and trying to keep up with the little old ladies and moms pushing strollers. I remember every moment of that first race, and the exhilaration of finishing, even though it was just a 5k, it was a big moment for me because I'd never done it before. So sitting in Hometown Buffet, listening to my friends chat and laugh and tell stories about what had happened during their race was like being back at that first day myself, feeling that joy and satisfaction of meeting that goal and knowing it was possible to think bigger. The party continued today as the group all came to church with their medals. At the end of the service we all put them on and I enjoyed once again hearing the stories as they went around talking to the people who had "opted out" of the race. Nods and smiles all around, I'm thinking I better get started with planning the next round, because I just might have a bigger crowd to coordinate!
The funny thing is that I've wanted very much to encourage people to join me in my races because of all that running and racing have done for my health. Two of my previous races I've been able to get groups together from church, but not as big as this one! And each time the result was the same, people being encouraged and inspired by their accomplishment, and enjoying the benefits of being active. This experience has demonstrated to me that all that I've done with my running is getting the attention of people that otherwise wouldn't have thought of trying it. It turns out that running is contagious! I caught the bug myself at that first race two years back, and now it seems I'm spreading it to everyone else!
My goal moving forward is to keep encouraging people to join me in my fitness routine. Not just the races, but overall exercise and activity. I'm always happy when people come to me and tell me how they have been walking and seeing the results of it. Some of the people from Saturday's race are already asking me when the next one will be. Some of them are interested in moving up to the next level. Gleefully, they say, "wow, that was too easy!". I love it. Because I know exactly how they feel.
I love running and I love doing races. No matter what happens, I am going to keep running. But how much more wonderful is it that just by doing something I love I can inspire others to also take control of their health and have fun doing it too? It's an amazing feeling! I look forward to seeing what is to come, but for now I'm just enjoying seeing my little group shine and smile, the same way I did back when I first started. They may never get to the marathon level, but whatever level they reach, it's going to be much more than they ever thought possible. And that is the best reward of all.
Thank you again to my approximately 12 loyal readers. I may not have a big crowd of followers but the ones I've got are the most loyal and wonderful friends that I could ever hope to have. Thank you for following my story, always encouraging me and making me smile. Until Next Time!
-MaryAnne
I was the only one doing the half marathon. That is my favorite race distance, for the simple fact that I'm lazy. That might sound strange, but I think about it like this: it might be longer, but I don't have to run as fast. When I run a 5k or a 10k, I really run it hard, because I know I won't have to keep up the pace for a long while. But when I do a half marathon, for the first two thirds or so, I keep my pace down and enjoy the run, then pick up a bit towards the end. It's like a nice two and a half hour jog around the neighborhood. The rest of the group signed up for the 5k and 10k races, and as we started there was the usual sense of anticipation with my group and the entire crowd as a whole. As we crossed the starting line, we separated out. The guys took off running, I did my usual "go ahead and pass me now, I'm gonna pass your butt later when you're all tired out because you don't know how to pace yourself" jog, and the other ladies stayed back walking.
My race went really well. The course was the usual for Los Angeles: city streets, freeway overpasses, concrete water holes that they try to pass off as lakes. The first part of the race was under a heavy cloud layer, but within the last 4 miles I could see the Griffith Observatory up on the hill above me. I never saw the Hollywood sign, it was probably visible but I was too busy trying not to bump into costumed runners around me. You would think the Hollywood race would inspire people to dress as celebrities, but instead it was the usual assortment of superheroes and random wackiness. Lots of Supermen and Superwomen, at least one Batman and Wonder Woman. I'm trying to figure that out. I guess maybe Wonder Woman runs sometimes, and when he's not flying Superman can run really fast, but what's with Batman? He doesn't run, he just drives around in his Batmobile. How come I never see anybody dressed up as the Flash? You'd think that would be the first one that comes to mind. But I digress. My favorite costume of the day was a tie between the 5 Marilyn Monroes (I think maybe one of them was a dude?) and Giant Banana Guy. Not sure how he ran in that thing, but it was definitely entertaining. I suppose one of these times I'll dress up in costume for a race, but then again....nah. Unless you can find Xena Warrior Princess in dri tech fabric, then I'll be all over that.
I finished my race in about the time I thought I would, and assembled the group for finish line photos. They were all excited, looking at their medals, laughing and chatting about the experience. We drove back to the South Bay, and went into the local Hometown Buffet in full race regalia, with our race bibs still pinned to our shirts and medals dangling from our necks. People stared at first, then began smiling as we passed back and forth from the buffet to our table. Knowing smiles, as if to say, "ah, you guys earned those calories!".
I've done so many races now that I've lost count, but the one I'll always remember the most was my first race. The Run Seal Beach 5k in April of 2011. I remember signing up. I remember going for walks to prepare. I remember waiting for the starting whistle, getting out on the course, and trying to keep up with the little old ladies and moms pushing strollers. I remember every moment of that first race, and the exhilaration of finishing, even though it was just a 5k, it was a big moment for me because I'd never done it before. So sitting in Hometown Buffet, listening to my friends chat and laugh and tell stories about what had happened during their race was like being back at that first day myself, feeling that joy and satisfaction of meeting that goal and knowing it was possible to think bigger. The party continued today as the group all came to church with their medals. At the end of the service we all put them on and I enjoyed once again hearing the stories as they went around talking to the people who had "opted out" of the race. Nods and smiles all around, I'm thinking I better get started with planning the next round, because I just might have a bigger crowd to coordinate!
The funny thing is that I've wanted very much to encourage people to join me in my races because of all that running and racing have done for my health. Two of my previous races I've been able to get groups together from church, but not as big as this one! And each time the result was the same, people being encouraged and inspired by their accomplishment, and enjoying the benefits of being active. This experience has demonstrated to me that all that I've done with my running is getting the attention of people that otherwise wouldn't have thought of trying it. It turns out that running is contagious! I caught the bug myself at that first race two years back, and now it seems I'm spreading it to everyone else!
My goal moving forward is to keep encouraging people to join me in my fitness routine. Not just the races, but overall exercise and activity. I'm always happy when people come to me and tell me how they have been walking and seeing the results of it. Some of the people from Saturday's race are already asking me when the next one will be. Some of them are interested in moving up to the next level. Gleefully, they say, "wow, that was too easy!". I love it. Because I know exactly how they feel.
I love running and I love doing races. No matter what happens, I am going to keep running. But how much more wonderful is it that just by doing something I love I can inspire others to also take control of their health and have fun doing it too? It's an amazing feeling! I look forward to seeing what is to come, but for now I'm just enjoying seeing my little group shine and smile, the same way I did back when I first started. They may never get to the marathon level, but whatever level they reach, it's going to be much more than they ever thought possible. And that is the best reward of all.
Thank you again to my approximately 12 loyal readers. I may not have a big crowd of followers but the ones I've got are the most loyal and wonderful friends that I could ever hope to have. Thank you for following my story, always encouraging me and making me smile. Until Next Time!
-MaryAnne
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Curse You, Taco Day
Today's post has actually been sitting here in my computer for a few weeks now. I started writing a post about how I both love and hate taco day at work because I love to eat yummy tacos, but I struggle to deal with food temptations because I'm still trying to lose weight. I wasn't able to finish the post and publish it, and as the days passed I found myself beginning to think about the entire history of my relationship with food. It wasn't an overnight occurrence that got me from being a skinny kid to an obese adult, it was a gradual process of developing bad habits that has only been undone by an equally gradual process of self education and discipline that continues now, and always will for the rest of my life.
I have struggled my whole life with food. I've always loved food. The taste, the smell, the texture, everything. Ever since I can remember, my thoughts have revolved around food. When the next time would be that I would eat, what I would eat, how much of it I would be able to get. As a kid, my parents kept my eating habits in check by providing healthy foods and avoiding giving me an excess of sweets and sugary stuff, but whenever I had the opportunity, I found ways to get my hands on those things. Nearly every penny of birthday money and allowance that I got went to buy candy, sweets, junk food and the like. As I got older and more independent, the amount I ate increased exponentially with the freedom I had and the income I received from working, no matter that my parents and other people that cared about me tried to warn me that it wasn't healthy.
From my teenage years and into my adulthood I continued to eat to excess. I ate everything I loved without limitation. I knew the things I was eating weren't "healthy", but I didn't even try to look into nutritional information because I knew it would make me feel guilty about what I was doing, so I avoided it like the plague. Likewise, portion sizes were an unknown concept to me. To me, a portion consisted of the amount of food I could get into myself at any given time until I felt uncomfortable. I didn't just stuff myself at special occasions, I did it every day, every meal, and in between. If there was a super size available, I took it. And more often than not, I added more on top of that. As the years went by, my eating habits caught up with me, and I was incredibly overweight, but I remember being in a kind of denial. I didn't hate myself, I didn't feel guilty, I loved food and eating and didn't think there was anything wrong with me no matter how big I got. I knew all the health risks but put them out of my mind, ignored doctor's advice and went on eating as though there were no consequences.
The first time I was forced to face the health issues of obesity head-on was when I was pregnant with my youngest child. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes in the later months of my pregnancy, and the nutritionist assigned to me put me on a very strict, precise diet to bring my blood sugar levels in line. I had to measure my blood sugar 4 times a day, and despite the diet I was on, I had to inject insulin because my blood sugar levels were still too high. When my daughter was born, I was 50 lbs and 3 sizes smaller than when I had gotten pregnant with her because of the effect of the drastic diet. I should have taken a hint and started to educate myself about nutrition then, but instead I started thinking about how those "mean" doctors had deprived my of my favorite foods, and as soon as my blood sugar levels went back to normal, I told myself it was ok to "indulge", and that it wasn't possible to gain back all of those 50 lbs that I had lost. But it was, and I did. And that was the point I reached two years ago when I realized I had no choice to but to make some changes or face the ultimate consequence of that level of unhealthy living.
It's hard to say the exact moment of truth that started my weight loss journey two years ago. I have touched on some of my motivations in previous posts, and I think it was a combination of things. The "bathroom mirror moment". Being denied life insurance because of my weight. My physical limitations. The heart palpitations, dizziness and shortness of breath. So many factors, so many variables. I was stubbornly able to ignore and deny so many things for so long, but the biggest obstacle was my relationship with food. I've written a lot of posts about my exercise routines, but the real key to my weight loss has been learning about nutrition, and changing my view of food from being a form of entertainment for me, to being the fuel my body needs to function. And it's been hard. As I mentioned above, many of the foods that I enjoy eating also happen to be things that are just really, really, really, really unhealthy when eaten in excess. I love taco day! Which is why I hate it. I want to eat healthy, but find myself constantly challenged by food temptations wherever I go. It's easy to eat healthy when the other options aren't present, but it's a struggle when they are right in front of your face and you have to fight a battle with your own stupid brain to just walk away and not eat something that you know will undo a lot of hard work, just because it tastes so good! If I could go the rest of my life and only have a steady stream of healthy, reasonable foods presented to me, I would be the happiest person on the planet, because I would never have to face my food demons.
I have spent the last two years of my life completely changing the way I view food and eating. I research, read, and experiment. I've learned what carbs are, what they do, and why they are necessary. I've learned the benefits of low-glycemic carbs vs. high-glycemic carbs. I know what protein does, what fiber does, and what vitamins, minerals, and electrolytes do. I've learned what is in different foods, and which foods I should avoid, which I should indulge in, and which I should have but in small amounts. I read ingredient lists and nutritional information panels, I know to scrutinize serving sizes and do math in my head to calculate the real information and not the numbers the companies want you to see. I know to ignore the front of labels, to avoid prominently displayed store displays and to never buy anything just because it says "healthy" "whole grain" "fat free" "gluten free" "low carb" "high protein" or whatever the trendy health buzz-word of the week is. There is an entire industry out there preying on people like me, who want to eat healthy but struggle to find the healthy options that provide the equivalent of the good feelings our former unhealthy favorites gave us. Thankfully, there are enough companies and organizations out there that really do want to help people succeed, the trick is learning to tell the legit from the fakers, and finding enough healthy replacement options to keep you on track when those really tough temptations come calling.
My relationship with food will always be a struggle for me. I will always want to eat too much of things I shouldn't, even though I am now fully aware of the detrimental effects they can have on my health. I will continue to try diligently to eat properly, while knowing that I am not perfect and will occasionally fail in this effort. I will not beat myself up over a temporary indulgence and will refuse to see such indulgence as an indicator of permanent failure. I know that I have come too far and learned too much to go back to my old ways. I still have a ways to go to reach my final weight loss goal, and each morning I wake up, I prepare myself to face the oncoming onslaught of food temptations and discouraging thoughts that I know are coming my way. But I am confident of my ability to finally and permanently beat this thing and live the life I was meant to have, healthy and strong. And no matter how many Taco Tuesday I have to endure, I know I can do it because I've already come this far.
Thank you again for reading! If you enjoy my posts, please feel free to repost on Facebook, send to friends, etc. I hate to ask but I'm trying to find an audience beyond my 12 or so devoted readers here, so please pimp me out to your friends if you think they will be encouraged.
Until next time...
I have struggled my whole life with food. I've always loved food. The taste, the smell, the texture, everything. Ever since I can remember, my thoughts have revolved around food. When the next time would be that I would eat, what I would eat, how much of it I would be able to get. As a kid, my parents kept my eating habits in check by providing healthy foods and avoiding giving me an excess of sweets and sugary stuff, but whenever I had the opportunity, I found ways to get my hands on those things. Nearly every penny of birthday money and allowance that I got went to buy candy, sweets, junk food and the like. As I got older and more independent, the amount I ate increased exponentially with the freedom I had and the income I received from working, no matter that my parents and other people that cared about me tried to warn me that it wasn't healthy.
From my teenage years and into my adulthood I continued to eat to excess. I ate everything I loved without limitation. I knew the things I was eating weren't "healthy", but I didn't even try to look into nutritional information because I knew it would make me feel guilty about what I was doing, so I avoided it like the plague. Likewise, portion sizes were an unknown concept to me. To me, a portion consisted of the amount of food I could get into myself at any given time until I felt uncomfortable. I didn't just stuff myself at special occasions, I did it every day, every meal, and in between. If there was a super size available, I took it. And more often than not, I added more on top of that. As the years went by, my eating habits caught up with me, and I was incredibly overweight, but I remember being in a kind of denial. I didn't hate myself, I didn't feel guilty, I loved food and eating and didn't think there was anything wrong with me no matter how big I got. I knew all the health risks but put them out of my mind, ignored doctor's advice and went on eating as though there were no consequences.
The first time I was forced to face the health issues of obesity head-on was when I was pregnant with my youngest child. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes in the later months of my pregnancy, and the nutritionist assigned to me put me on a very strict, precise diet to bring my blood sugar levels in line. I had to measure my blood sugar 4 times a day, and despite the diet I was on, I had to inject insulin because my blood sugar levels were still too high. When my daughter was born, I was 50 lbs and 3 sizes smaller than when I had gotten pregnant with her because of the effect of the drastic diet. I should have taken a hint and started to educate myself about nutrition then, but instead I started thinking about how those "mean" doctors had deprived my of my favorite foods, and as soon as my blood sugar levels went back to normal, I told myself it was ok to "indulge", and that it wasn't possible to gain back all of those 50 lbs that I had lost. But it was, and I did. And that was the point I reached two years ago when I realized I had no choice to but to make some changes or face the ultimate consequence of that level of unhealthy living.
It's hard to say the exact moment of truth that started my weight loss journey two years ago. I have touched on some of my motivations in previous posts, and I think it was a combination of things. The "bathroom mirror moment". Being denied life insurance because of my weight. My physical limitations. The heart palpitations, dizziness and shortness of breath. So many factors, so many variables. I was stubbornly able to ignore and deny so many things for so long, but the biggest obstacle was my relationship with food. I've written a lot of posts about my exercise routines, but the real key to my weight loss has been learning about nutrition, and changing my view of food from being a form of entertainment for me, to being the fuel my body needs to function. And it's been hard. As I mentioned above, many of the foods that I enjoy eating also happen to be things that are just really, really, really, really unhealthy when eaten in excess. I love taco day! Which is why I hate it. I want to eat healthy, but find myself constantly challenged by food temptations wherever I go. It's easy to eat healthy when the other options aren't present, but it's a struggle when they are right in front of your face and you have to fight a battle with your own stupid brain to just walk away and not eat something that you know will undo a lot of hard work, just because it tastes so good! If I could go the rest of my life and only have a steady stream of healthy, reasonable foods presented to me, I would be the happiest person on the planet, because I would never have to face my food demons.
I have spent the last two years of my life completely changing the way I view food and eating. I research, read, and experiment. I've learned what carbs are, what they do, and why they are necessary. I've learned the benefits of low-glycemic carbs vs. high-glycemic carbs. I know what protein does, what fiber does, and what vitamins, minerals, and electrolytes do. I've learned what is in different foods, and which foods I should avoid, which I should indulge in, and which I should have but in small amounts. I read ingredient lists and nutritional information panels, I know to scrutinize serving sizes and do math in my head to calculate the real information and not the numbers the companies want you to see. I know to ignore the front of labels, to avoid prominently displayed store displays and to never buy anything just because it says "healthy" "whole grain" "fat free" "gluten free" "low carb" "high protein" or whatever the trendy health buzz-word of the week is. There is an entire industry out there preying on people like me, who want to eat healthy but struggle to find the healthy options that provide the equivalent of the good feelings our former unhealthy favorites gave us. Thankfully, there are enough companies and organizations out there that really do want to help people succeed, the trick is learning to tell the legit from the fakers, and finding enough healthy replacement options to keep you on track when those really tough temptations come calling.
My relationship with food will always be a struggle for me. I will always want to eat too much of things I shouldn't, even though I am now fully aware of the detrimental effects they can have on my health. I will continue to try diligently to eat properly, while knowing that I am not perfect and will occasionally fail in this effort. I will not beat myself up over a temporary indulgence and will refuse to see such indulgence as an indicator of permanent failure. I know that I have come too far and learned too much to go back to my old ways. I still have a ways to go to reach my final weight loss goal, and each morning I wake up, I prepare myself to face the oncoming onslaught of food temptations and discouraging thoughts that I know are coming my way. But I am confident of my ability to finally and permanently beat this thing and live the life I was meant to have, healthy and strong. And no matter how many Taco Tuesday I have to endure, I know I can do it because I've already come this far.
Thank you again for reading! If you enjoy my posts, please feel free to repost on Facebook, send to friends, etc. I hate to ask but I'm trying to find an audience beyond my 12 or so devoted readers here, so please pimp me out to your friends if you think they will be encouraged.
Until next time...
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
2 Years And Counting...Progress So Far
I know, I know. I'm the worst blogger ever. I suck at it. It's like forever between posts, I want to update more often but I'm hit with a lot of writer's block. I love to write it, but the problem I have is that I'm something of a perfectionist. I want to write posts on a grand and epic scale, not boring everyday stuff that will bore people and make people bored. But unfortunately, my life is kind of boring. Crazy mountain hiking adventures and marathons aside, most of my daily grind is pretty much like everyone else's. Work, family, extracurricular activities, sleep, and so on. Who wants to read about that? And yet we all have unique experiences and at least from what I see on my Facebook, we are all somewhat invested in one another's lives, no matter how boring. So I guess I will try something new, to write from my heart and not from my head, and find things to share that mean something to me rather than things I think will impress the masses. Thank you for reading, even if I'm boring.
It's been just about 2 years since I started this fun journey of fitness and healthy living. When I first started out, I didn't really have a plan in mind, I never imagined I'd reach the point I am at right now. At that point in my life, I wasn't doing anything, and I just wanted to do something. Anything. Well, that Something became Something More, which progressed into Wow, I May Be On To Something and got me to where I am now, at Holy Cow, I Can't Believe I'm Doing This. It's been a fun ride so far, but it's not over yet, so here's kind of a progress report on my two year mark.
As of late, my fitness routine has been going well. I continue to run on a regular basis, currently I run 26+ miles a week, broken up into three days a week. I do a short run on Tuesday (6 miles), a medium run on Thursday (8-10 miles) and a long run on Saturday (12+ miles). Every four weeks I take a "break" by running shorter distances than usual, to give my body a chance to recover and heal from any damage caused by the longer runs I normally do. I don't know if that routine is right or would be approved by the Official Runner People. I'm not a member of a running club and don't follow blogs or read articles as much as I should, but all I know is my routine works for me. I also register for and participate in races to motivate me to keep pushing myself to get out there and keep improving. So far this year, I completed a half marathon back in January and my first full marathon on February 3. I will do a post on that at some point, but that will require more time than I have on my hands right now. All I can say is it was a most amazing and educational experience for me, and one I am planning to repeat in the not-so-distant-future. I will be running two more half marathons in the next two months, and more half marathons and 10k's throughout the year. I'm looking forward to each one and crossing my fingers for some fresh new PR's in the next couple of races to get the Spring season off to a good start!
My weight loss has been stalled for some time now. I have already lost 105 lbs since beginning this journey two years ago, my goal is to lose 20-30 more lbs to reach my ideal weight for my height of 6'. It is hard because I love to eat and though I burn enough calories with my exercise routine to maintain the weight I am at, I am having difficulty moving forward because I'm still fighting my old eating habits, which have a nasty habit of sneaking up on me when I least expect it. I work in an environment that is full of food temptations that come in the form of tasty leftovers, the overflowing dish of chocolate treats in HR, and the all-you-can-eat-all-day-long full service cafeteria that is 27 steps from my desk. Yes, I counted. I have created a meal plan that gives me a specific lists of yes and no options, but sticking to it is tough when surrounded by so many temptations. I manage to stick to it pretty well most days, and my weight has been ticking down slowly, slowly, slowly. I have very little patience, but I have to keep reminding myself that progress is progress, no matter how small.
Looking ahead, I continue with the plan that has served me well for the past couple of years, that is to keep setting short term goals, but with some long term goals in mind as well. As I mentioned, I still participate in races, though I have already finished a total of 4 half marathons, I am working on improving my pace, so I continue to sign up for more. I'm still working on the weight loss, I haven't set a time frame goal for that but I'm hoping to reach it within the next year or so. For the long term, I set my sights on another marathon, to be completed in the Spring of 2014. That will give me time to work on improving my pace and endurance so that when it's time to start marathon training it won't be such a stretch as it was this time, and so I can actually run the whole thing the next time. I know it's possible, I just have to take it a little at a time. I'm up to 16 miles without walking now, I'm optimistic that this goal will be met within the time frame I've set.
That's all I've got for now. I'm going to try to update this more often, even when I don't have any epic adventures to tell about. I hope you enjoy my musings and thoughts, as usual, thank you for reading!
It's been just about 2 years since I started this fun journey of fitness and healthy living. When I first started out, I didn't really have a plan in mind, I never imagined I'd reach the point I am at right now. At that point in my life, I wasn't doing anything, and I just wanted to do something. Anything. Well, that Something became Something More, which progressed into Wow, I May Be On To Something and got me to where I am now, at Holy Cow, I Can't Believe I'm Doing This. It's been a fun ride so far, but it's not over yet, so here's kind of a progress report on my two year mark.
As of late, my fitness routine has been going well. I continue to run on a regular basis, currently I run 26+ miles a week, broken up into three days a week. I do a short run on Tuesday (6 miles), a medium run on Thursday (8-10 miles) and a long run on Saturday (12+ miles). Every four weeks I take a "break" by running shorter distances than usual, to give my body a chance to recover and heal from any damage caused by the longer runs I normally do. I don't know if that routine is right or would be approved by the Official Runner People. I'm not a member of a running club and don't follow blogs or read articles as much as I should, but all I know is my routine works for me. I also register for and participate in races to motivate me to keep pushing myself to get out there and keep improving. So far this year, I completed a half marathon back in January and my first full marathon on February 3. I will do a post on that at some point, but that will require more time than I have on my hands right now. All I can say is it was a most amazing and educational experience for me, and one I am planning to repeat in the not-so-distant-future. I will be running two more half marathons in the next two months, and more half marathons and 10k's throughout the year. I'm looking forward to each one and crossing my fingers for some fresh new PR's in the next couple of races to get the Spring season off to a good start!
My weight loss has been stalled for some time now. I have already lost 105 lbs since beginning this journey two years ago, my goal is to lose 20-30 more lbs to reach my ideal weight for my height of 6'. It is hard because I love to eat and though I burn enough calories with my exercise routine to maintain the weight I am at, I am having difficulty moving forward because I'm still fighting my old eating habits, which have a nasty habit of sneaking up on me when I least expect it. I work in an environment that is full of food temptations that come in the form of tasty leftovers, the overflowing dish of chocolate treats in HR, and the all-you-can-eat-all-day-long full service cafeteria that is 27 steps from my desk. Yes, I counted. I have created a meal plan that gives me a specific lists of yes and no options, but sticking to it is tough when surrounded by so many temptations. I manage to stick to it pretty well most days, and my weight has been ticking down slowly, slowly, slowly. I have very little patience, but I have to keep reminding myself that progress is progress, no matter how small.
Looking ahead, I continue with the plan that has served me well for the past couple of years, that is to keep setting short term goals, but with some long term goals in mind as well. As I mentioned, I still participate in races, though I have already finished a total of 4 half marathons, I am working on improving my pace, so I continue to sign up for more. I'm still working on the weight loss, I haven't set a time frame goal for that but I'm hoping to reach it within the next year or so. For the long term, I set my sights on another marathon, to be completed in the Spring of 2014. That will give me time to work on improving my pace and endurance so that when it's time to start marathon training it won't be such a stretch as it was this time, and so I can actually run the whole thing the next time. I know it's possible, I just have to take it a little at a time. I'm up to 16 miles without walking now, I'm optimistic that this goal will be met within the time frame I've set.
That's all I've got for now. I'm going to try to update this more often, even when I don't have any epic adventures to tell about. I hope you enjoy my musings and thoughts, as usual, thank you for reading!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Carpe Diem
Hello, faithful regular readers, and anyone else who may have stumbled across this blog. Yeah, I know. It's been awhile since I posted anything. Well, I've been busy. You know how it is, work, kids, the holidays, blah blah blah. And maybe a little case of writer's block, to be honest. I don't want to bore folks with the minutae of my life, so I tend to put off writing these unless I get something stuck in my head that won't go away. And that leads to today's post.
It will soon be the unofficial two year anniversary of the "aha moment" that kick started my journey of weight loss and self discovery. I won't be throwing a party to celebrate, but if you've read this blog a few posts back, you know that I will be running my first marathon on February 3, just a month from now, so I like to consider that something of a celebration. I know for sure that when I cross that finish line and get my marathon medal, I'll be partying like it's 1999, even if it's just because it will mean I am done and can go home and watch Super Bowl commercials. But completing a marathon isn't just going to be just another medal to hang on my wall. For me it will represent the absolute opposite of the capability of the person I was two years ago, and the final destructive blow to the hold the memories of my former unhealthy life have still had on me all throughout this two year journey. It will blow all my previous notions of what I thought I was capable of out of the water. And that is why I'm so looking forward to doing it.
What's been on my mind a lot lately is the thought of what "could have been". What if I hadn't made the changes in my life that I did? Would I still spend most of my time sitting on my ass watching TV, chomping on pizza and donuts, not considering that I could be capable of something more? I mean, up until two years ago, I guess I thought I was doing ok, I was happy, I always had things to enjoy in my life. But looking back on the two years since then, and all the things I've accomplished and the progress I've made, I know that I could never, ever, ever go back to being the person that I used to be, because now I know what I was missing!
It's been an exciting two years for me, to say the least. I am watching myself change, day by day, not only physically but mentally as well. I am able to discipline myself in ways I never thought possible. I make incredible advances in my personal health on a regular basis, and feel incredibly good doing it. And the unavoidable outcome of that is me wanting to share this with everyone else! That is why I started writing this blog. I also post pictures and blurbs on my Facebook page, for my captive audience of friends to see. I want everyone to know how amazing this journey has been, and while I may be shy in other areas of my life, when it comes to this, I can't keep it in. And it hasn't gone unnoticed. For the past year or so, ever since the changes in me have been so noticeable, I have been approached by countless people, from co-workers and friends in my church, to complete strangers who live a few blocks away from me and noticed me jogging past their house day after day after day. And the inevitable question is: "How did you do it?". I have a carefully planned response, which is basically the condensed version of this blog: "reduce portions, eat healthy, get active, starting slow and working your way up". Most of the time people listen, smile, and nod their heads. It's very polite of them. I always wait for them to ask for more information, more specifics, but the conversation rarely gets that far. At that point, it's "well, nice talking to you, have a good day".
This kind of frustrates me, because I always think back to the person I used to be. That is, unwilling to consider making serious changes in my life because it would be way too much work. I know what people are thinking in regards to healthy living because I used to think the same way: "it's ok for other people, but I don't need it, I'm doing ok." I wish I could help people understand the amazing feeling have now that my body is getting the nutrients and exercise it needs, how everything feels and smells and looks and tastes better! How it has given me a spring in my step and a completely new outlook on life! It's amazing you guys! I'm not on drugs, I swear! Though I do eat a lot of those Gu energy gel things when I'm running, who knows what's in those. They're like liquid Schwartz for runners. But the rest of the time, I'm just high on life!
If you are reading this and you are one of the folks who I am describing in the previous paragraph, I want you to stop for just one little second and consider what I'm describing. A better quality of life. The ability to do things you didn't think possible. The simple realization that the better your health is, the longer you will live! Imagine that. Not only will you have a better quality of life, you get more time to enjoy it!, Yeah, I know, I can hear the scoffing now. It was the same thing I used to say: "Well, just because you work out and eat healthy and stuff doesn't mean you will live a long life. What if you get hit by a car or something and die? Then all that work is for nothing." Well (and please pardon my language, but I feel it's appropriate), that's bullshit. It's just another excuse to not get going. I know as well as anyone that I am not guaranteed tomorrow. Through the years, and especially the past year, I've lost friends who were beautiful and healthy and way too damn young to die, who got up in the morning and went about their day thinking it would be just another ordinary day, and for whatever reason didn't live to see the end of it. I'm sure you, dear reader, have lost dear ones the same way just as I have.
For awhile now, the phrase "Carpe Diem" has been resounding through my mind. It's a Latin term that means "Seize The Day" or "Seize Every Day". It means, don't just sit on your ass watching TV and eating pizza, because the moment you are in right now is a perfect one to begin a brand new life. It means, no matter what you think you are or are not capable of, you are capable of so much more. Don't waste 25 years of your life like I did! Put down the pizza and get off the couch right now. Go for a walk, for goodness sake. Then go for another one. Learn to eat salad. Go for another walk. Read books about salad. Take a friend with you and go for a walk. Keep at it until it's second nature. When you feel good and have the energy for it, try something you think is crazy. In addition to running in races, I took up kayaking, rappelled down a 16 story building, and climbed a couple mountains in the last year and a half! And I don't intend to slow down any time soon. Every day I seize the opportunity to make the most of the time I have. I could have another 50 years on this planet, and I fully intend on being one of those wrinkled old grannies running marathons if I am so lucky to have the physical ability and time on this planet to do so. But if I am taken from this life tonight or tomorrow, I am able to say that I have no regrets about the work I've done to improve my health these past couple years, that it has given me the opportunity to have experiences I never thought possible, and the only regret would be that I put it off too long and didn't do it sooner. Don't you dare make the same mistake I did. The moment is here, seize the day!
Thank you again for reading, see you next time!
It will soon be the unofficial two year anniversary of the "aha moment" that kick started my journey of weight loss and self discovery. I won't be throwing a party to celebrate, but if you've read this blog a few posts back, you know that I will be running my first marathon on February 3, just a month from now, so I like to consider that something of a celebration. I know for sure that when I cross that finish line and get my marathon medal, I'll be partying like it's 1999, even if it's just because it will mean I am done and can go home and watch Super Bowl commercials. But completing a marathon isn't just going to be just another medal to hang on my wall. For me it will represent the absolute opposite of the capability of the person I was two years ago, and the final destructive blow to the hold the memories of my former unhealthy life have still had on me all throughout this two year journey. It will blow all my previous notions of what I thought I was capable of out of the water. And that is why I'm so looking forward to doing it.
What's been on my mind a lot lately is the thought of what "could have been". What if I hadn't made the changes in my life that I did? Would I still spend most of my time sitting on my ass watching TV, chomping on pizza and donuts, not considering that I could be capable of something more? I mean, up until two years ago, I guess I thought I was doing ok, I was happy, I always had things to enjoy in my life. But looking back on the two years since then, and all the things I've accomplished and the progress I've made, I know that I could never, ever, ever go back to being the person that I used to be, because now I know what I was missing!
It's been an exciting two years for me, to say the least. I am watching myself change, day by day, not only physically but mentally as well. I am able to discipline myself in ways I never thought possible. I make incredible advances in my personal health on a regular basis, and feel incredibly good doing it. And the unavoidable outcome of that is me wanting to share this with everyone else! That is why I started writing this blog. I also post pictures and blurbs on my Facebook page, for my captive audience of friends to see. I want everyone to know how amazing this journey has been, and while I may be shy in other areas of my life, when it comes to this, I can't keep it in. And it hasn't gone unnoticed. For the past year or so, ever since the changes in me have been so noticeable, I have been approached by countless people, from co-workers and friends in my church, to complete strangers who live a few blocks away from me and noticed me jogging past their house day after day after day. And the inevitable question is: "How did you do it?". I have a carefully planned response, which is basically the condensed version of this blog: "reduce portions, eat healthy, get active, starting slow and working your way up". Most of the time people listen, smile, and nod their heads. It's very polite of them. I always wait for them to ask for more information, more specifics, but the conversation rarely gets that far. At that point, it's "well, nice talking to you, have a good day".
This kind of frustrates me, because I always think back to the person I used to be. That is, unwilling to consider making serious changes in my life because it would be way too much work. I know what people are thinking in regards to healthy living because I used to think the same way: "it's ok for other people, but I don't need it, I'm doing ok." I wish I could help people understand the amazing feeling have now that my body is getting the nutrients and exercise it needs, how everything feels and smells and looks and tastes better! How it has given me a spring in my step and a completely new outlook on life! It's amazing you guys! I'm not on drugs, I swear! Though I do eat a lot of those Gu energy gel things when I'm running, who knows what's in those. They're like liquid Schwartz for runners. But the rest of the time, I'm just high on life!
If you are reading this and you are one of the folks who I am describing in the previous paragraph, I want you to stop for just one little second and consider what I'm describing. A better quality of life. The ability to do things you didn't think possible. The simple realization that the better your health is, the longer you will live! Imagine that. Not only will you have a better quality of life, you get more time to enjoy it!, Yeah, I know, I can hear the scoffing now. It was the same thing I used to say: "Well, just because you work out and eat healthy and stuff doesn't mean you will live a long life. What if you get hit by a car or something and die? Then all that work is for nothing." Well (and please pardon my language, but I feel it's appropriate), that's bullshit. It's just another excuse to not get going. I know as well as anyone that I am not guaranteed tomorrow. Through the years, and especially the past year, I've lost friends who were beautiful and healthy and way too damn young to die, who got up in the morning and went about their day thinking it would be just another ordinary day, and for whatever reason didn't live to see the end of it. I'm sure you, dear reader, have lost dear ones the same way just as I have.
For awhile now, the phrase "Carpe Diem" has been resounding through my mind. It's a Latin term that means "Seize The Day" or "Seize Every Day". It means, don't just sit on your ass watching TV and eating pizza, because the moment you are in right now is a perfect one to begin a brand new life. It means, no matter what you think you are or are not capable of, you are capable of so much more. Don't waste 25 years of your life like I did! Put down the pizza and get off the couch right now. Go for a walk, for goodness sake. Then go for another one. Learn to eat salad. Go for another walk. Read books about salad. Take a friend with you and go for a walk. Keep at it until it's second nature. When you feel good and have the energy for it, try something you think is crazy. In addition to running in races, I took up kayaking, rappelled down a 16 story building, and climbed a couple mountains in the last year and a half! And I don't intend to slow down any time soon. Every day I seize the opportunity to make the most of the time I have. I could have another 50 years on this planet, and I fully intend on being one of those wrinkled old grannies running marathons if I am so lucky to have the physical ability and time on this planet to do so. But if I am taken from this life tonight or tomorrow, I am able to say that I have no regrets about the work I've done to improve my health these past couple years, that it has given me the opportunity to have experiences I never thought possible, and the only regret would be that I put it off too long and didn't do it sooner. Don't you dare make the same mistake I did. The moment is here, seize the day!
Thank you again for reading, see you next time!
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