What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

Well, it's officially official. I have gone off the deep end. Or so I would think if I were the old version of myself talking to the new me. So what is it that I've gone and done? Well, I'll tell ya.

This. 

This is what I've done. Or rather, this is what I've decided to do. For those who are unfamiliar with this number, this is how many miles there are in a marathon. Yes, a full marathon. Not a half marathon, not a 10k, but a full marathon. Phew. I get tired just talking about it. And yet, here I am, well on my way to the next level of crazy in my quest to find out just what I am capable of. Will I be able to do this? I know I will. Will it kick my butt? Probably. Will I hate it, kick myself for making myself go through it, and swear never to ever ever ever do it again? That is what remains to be seen.

It took me a while to get to the point in my fitness journey that I would even consider the idea of doing a full marathon. I've worked my way up from walking a few miles at a time, to walking more than a few miles at at time, to jogging and running longer distances, and have been surprised to find that I haven't yet reached the limit of my endurance. Sure, I feel the effects of a long run and need a bit of rest and recovery time after completing one, but I find I can quickly bounce back and get back to life. Dare I say it? Dare I? It's almost...too easy. There, I said it. Now, take into consideration what I mean by "long run". This can be anywhere from 10-14 miles for me. I can complete this distance in one morning, come home, and after an hour or so of rest, get on with the rest of my day of chores, family adventures, work and such with very little effect from my run. What this means to me is that I am comfortable with this level of activity I have reached, and that maintaining it is possible. I would never have imagined I would reach this level, let alone anything more. And yet, having reached this point, I look back at myself over the past year and a half, and see that every time I reached a new level of comfort, I wasn't satisfied to stay there, but kept pushing myself to see if I could do better. So here I am at this point once again, and I'm ready to see what the next round will bring.

So how am I going to do this? I need to prepare myself for this challenge both physically and mentally. The best way for me to handle it has been to do it the same way I've done everything else. Slow and steady. Now, I won't say slow and steady wins the race. Because the people who train every day to win these things aren't going to lay down and take a nap in the middle of the race like the hare in the old childhood story. No, they are going to run hard and win. But slow and steady will finish the race, and that's what I am going to do. Currently I am in my third week of "official" marathon training. I downloaded some information, made calendars, and am gradually building up my distance so that I'll be ready to face that 26.2 miles on the day of the race. Last Saturday morning I did my longest distance yet, 16 miles. Wow. But that's still 10 miles short of the marathon, so I've got my work cut out for me. This Saturday I'll go for 18, then over the next few weeks, work my way up to 20. And so on. It's not a matter of thinking about running the 26.2 miles three months from now, it's a matter of thinking about what I'm doing today, tomorrow, and maybe as far ahead as this weekend. Set my short term goal, prepare myself, get out and go.

The amazing thing to me has been that time and time again, as I've set the goals and reached every one of them, I still haven't hit the wall. I still love it, enjoy it, and look forward to the next round. It hurts, it tires me, it takes time away from other "fun" things I could be doing, but I keep going back for more. It happened when I did my first 10k. It happened when I did my first half marathon. Each time I set a goal, I reached it, and then went on to master it and make it a regular part of my routine. So that is why I am now setting my sights on a full marathon. The goal is two-fold. One, to finish the thing. Just cross the finish line. To say, "at least I did it once!" Second, to see how it makes me feel. Will I love it? Will I hate it? At this point in my training, I honestly don't know.

As I continue my training and work on getting up in to those previously unthinkable distances, I know there is a very real chance that I might decide that I've gone too far and it's more than I prefer to do on a regular basis.  I've always given myself an "escape clause", that is, I keep telling myself that as soon as I start hating what I'm doing, that I will immediately scale it back to a level where I am comfortable again, in order to maintain the progress I've made and still enjoy it. The escape clause is in full effect here. I will not beat myself up if I don't love training for and running a marathon. I will be satisfied with what I've already achieved and know that I am doing just fine at my current level of activity. And I will know that I had to courage to push myself just a little further when I thought I'd reached the end. But who knows? I might find that I love it, be able to maintain that next level of endurance on a regular basis, and join the ranks of occasional marathon runners. After all I've gone through to get where I am, that is the ultimate dream for me. To know what I used to be and to be able to say I didn't just overcome the obstacles of obesity, unhealthy living and bad habits, I SMASHED them. Obliterated, destroyed, crushed and trampled them, swept them up and threw them far away where they can never bother me again. Ever.

My marathon is going to be on February 3 of next year. As I write this, I have less than 14 weeks until that big day, and I'm ready to go. I'm registered, I'm sticking to my training, and I'm nervous, excited, and optimistic. I'll be posting from time to time on my progress, so this won't be the last you hear of it. Hopefully I'll have more good than bad to report, but whatever the outcome, I'm ready to see this through. And that alone is the best reward I have received for all that I've worked for.

Thanks again for reading, until next time...

Getting Started: Go For A Walk

Wow! Can't believe I'm already on post #3. These things I'm writing about have been bouncing around in the back of my mind for so long that it feels amazing to put them down on virtual paper. I hope that virtual people aren't the only ones reading...

In my last post, I talked about my struggles with food and dealing with my calorie and nutrition intake, and how I got started getting it under control. Continuing on with that thread, today I am going to focus on the the flip side of the coin: activity and exercise. As I was able to work on controlling my eating habits, I knew I needed to get out and start exercising. But it's not easy to start an exercise and fitness routine, especially when you weigh more than 300 lbs and you get winded climbing a single flight of stairs. Thing is, I'm the kind of person who has no problem sticking to an established routine. It's the getting started part that I have trouble with. So when I wanted to started exercising, I was game for the challenge, but didn't know how to go about it. I knew I was physically limited, and that I would have to start off slow. Luckily, there are plenty of opportunities available to me and it wasn't long before the perfect solution fell in my lap.

I got the starting point I needed in an email from HR, inviting all employees to join a team to do a 5k race in nearby Seal Beach. The kicker? I could walk it. Hmmmm. 5k? How far is that? It turns out that it's only 3.1 miles. I figured I could handle that. So I signed up and began going for walks. I considered it training. I didn't want to show up unprepared on the day of the race, pass out, and be hauled off on a stretcher. So three or four days a week,  I drove down to Belmont Shore, and walked on the beach for an hour at a time. To pass the time, I listened to music, took pictures with my Blackberry, posted them on Facebook while I walked, and realized I had actually found a way to enjoy being outside in the city. After 6 weeks passed I did the race, I finished in about 51 minutes, and as I crossed my first finish line I realized I'd found something good. After the race, I kept walking, keeping track of my pace, distance, and noting that the more I did it, the faster and farther I could go. I began to set goals, and each time I reached the goal, I set a new one. And I'm still doing it even now.

So you see, for me it was very simple. It wasn't a matter of going straight from the couch to running marathons. Or even half marathons. It was just starting at the beginning and working my way up. If you are like me, and looking for a way to get started, don't think big, think small.  Just go out and walk for an hour. Walk for a half hour. Walk down the block and back if that's all you can do. Then the next time, go just a little further. Or, ride a bike, swim in a pool, paddle a kayak. I can recommend a good guy in Huntington Harbor. Do Zumba, lift weights, or get on that silly elliptical. I can't stand the thing, but I people I love swear by them. You know who you are. Try different things until you find what you love, then stick to it. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you are moving. Set your goals, get out and work for them, and once you reach them, set new ones. You'll be on the way to the new you in no time at all. I promise. Because I did it. If I could do it, anyone can do it. And yes, that means you, too.

Starting At The Beginning

Well. When I was writing my first post the other day, I was thinking that few would actually read it, that maybe I'd get a couple responses eventually, but didn't expect the reaction that I got. I was surprised and encouraged by the positive response that I did get, so now as I begin the next post, I am both excited and a little nervous. I've been trying to collect my thoughts and put them in order, I have so many things I want to write about and now that I know people might actually read it, I have to do them justice. So here we go...

I thought I'd start off by touching on the reason for the name of this blog. My first idea for a name was "A Work In Progress", but I thought maybe that might be too generic. I wanted something that would convey the emotion I've been feeling throughout this entire life-changing process. It occurred to me that all my life I had an ideal of myself in regards to personal appearance, kind of a physical "alter ego", as it were. As I mentioned in my previous post, I wanted to look like "normal" people. I didn't want to look like a Victoria's Secret model, I just wanted to see my physical self the way it should be, without weird shapes or bulges that had to be covered with baggy outfits. Over the past year, as I lost weight, I realized that that "alter ego" has become a reality. Not only physically, but mentally, as I've gained a great deal of confidence, and learned a lot about healthy living, being active, and how to find what works best for me, in the world of fitness as well as everyday life. Long story short, I'm living the dream! I am my alter ego. Woo hoo!

Now, on to the main topic. Many people have asked me about my experience this past year, and one question I get a lot is, how and why did you start? So this is what I am going to discuss today. After my "aha" moment, which as you may recall, involved really bright lights and a really big mirror, I knew I needed to take a good look at my habits, and identify what I needed to work on. Well, duh, right? Real plain and simple. And yet, it took many years for me to even reach that point. Oh well, better late than never, I suppose. So, what it really came down to was simple math.  If more calories go in than are burned, then the body retains them. Again, very plain and simple. So how did I manage to overlook this very logical reality? Well, first of all, I love food. I make no excuses for that. I love the color, the smell, the texture, and of course the taste. I'll eat almost anything, there is very little that I don't like. Except bell peppers. Nasty, foul little things. But I digress... So, when it came to food, I made a life out of finding creative ways to justify eating to excess. It's kind of like when we joke, "oh, birthday calories don't count", except I did this nearly every day and at nearly every meal. Whatever the meal, whether there was an occasion or not, if there was enough food available, I loaded my plate to overflowing, finished it, and more often than not, went back and loaded it again. As I did that, I would tell myself it was ok, because "hey, this might not be available again", or "wow, it's something I really like, I should just enjoy it and not feel guilty". And the biggest, most insidious excuse? This one: "I will start eating right TOMORROW". Yep. I tricked myself again and again and again and again and, well, you get the idea. I planned to start eating right tomorrow for a long time. About 25 years to be exact. I could go through the rest of my life regretting those 25 years except for one thing. I broke the cycle, and for me, there really is no looking back.

So what did I do exactly to break that cycle? Back again to the plain and simple. I started off by setting simple goals and making small changes. As soon as I made those goals and mastered those changes, I made new ones. First it was simply reducing portions. One plate, no seconds. Then it was changing what was on that plate. Less fat, less sugar, more lean protein, more veggies and fruits, more whole grains. Back to basics. And you know what? It worked! I started to lose weight almost immediately. And the really funny thing? Suddenly, many of the foods that I thought I couldn't resist weren't quite so tempting any more. I got more satisfaction out of watching the number on the scale fall than I did eating those fattening things. Little by little, day by day, they lost their grip on me.

So we come to where I am now. I eat a reasonably healthy diet overall, but I will always love food and allow myself to enjoy it, whether it's my regular routine ultra healthy salad of leaves and twigs, or a deliciously decadent, greasy spread on the rare occasion. Today when I go to a friend's party, I'm gonna eat lechon and lumpia and pancit and those fried banana thingies that I can't remember the name of. And tomorrow we are gonna BBQ in the back yard after church, while we enjoy our local version of fresh air. And next week, it's back to leaves and twigs. Because when it comes down to it that's how it's done.
I hope you enjoyed today's post. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to put it down in writing, get it out of my head, and let it breathe.

Until Next Time!

All About Me...

So this is my very first blog post ever. It's going to be totally lame because I haven't figured out how to do all the cutesy stuff yet, like add pictures or fancy backgrounds and such. I am also exhausted because I've run 18 miles in the past three days, 10 of them this morning, and right now everything in my brain is kind of mushy and all I can muster is bluh.

The reason I decided to do this is mostly because over the past 18 months I have been on an epic journey to better myself through improving my health. As of late, a lot of people in my life have been asking me, "how did you do it?", and I'm hoping that writing this in exhausting detail will answer those questions. Also, I like to write, and I hope that if people are actually reading this, from time to time they will be able to put up with random streams of consciousness about nothing in particular that I need to put in writing. My Facebook friends know what I'm talking about.

To start at the beginning, for the vast majority of my life, I was really really fat, and one fateful day 18 months ago, I realized that I needed to do something about it or suffer the consequences. What would those be, you ask? The most well publicized of course, are high risk for heart disease and diabetes and other really bad health things that make you dead before you want to be. But personally, it was the "little things", like knowing that every time I went to a restaurant I was going to have to ask for a table with chairs because I couldn't squeeze my giant ass into a booth, or hoping when I went to the movies that it wouldn't be the old fashioned bucket seats because I would again have issues squeezing in the aforementioned giant ass. It was not being able to go on roller coasters because the bar wouldn't go down over my gut. It was asking for a "seat belt extender" on airplanes. It was getting winded going up a flight of stairs. It was going to the "plus size" store and grabbing stuff off the rack, never trying anything on because it was just going to look like a Hefty bag anyway. I could go on and on, but I'm starting to get depressed.

Many of us go through life wishing we could be better than we are. I always wanted to be fit. Not thin. Not skinny. Just "normal". You see, from the age of 12 I was heavy. First pudgy, then chubby, then just plain fat. But, knowing it would take a lot of work and discipline to become my ideal, I told myself for many years that it was impossible, that I had too much going against me, that I was destined to always be fat. I deluded myself by deciding I was doing all right the way I was and didn't need to lose weight. Even as I got bigger and bigger, I found ways to look in the mirror and be satisfied that I "wasn't really that bad". I was able to mask a large host of flaws until one fateful encounter with a full length hotel bathroom mirror and really bright florescent lights. It was one of those experiences where there is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no hiding from the truth. I was nasty to look at as well as feeling nasty because of my physical limitations.

From that moment on, for the first time in my life, I didn't run and hide from the truth. I faced it head on. I took the bull by the horns and attacked it. And at first it fought back with all its strength. But so did I. And the harder I fought, the easier it got to beat it. I won't go into detail in this first post, because I will do that over the course of many posts. Also because I'm really tired, irritated and my kid is hungry. Long story short, over the past 18 months I've lost 100 lbs, started an excellent fitness routine and completely revised my relationship with food. Please read the posts to come in the next few days/weeks/whenever I get a chance, I will go into more detail and hopefully be able to help people who are just like me, who know they can be better and just need a kick start and a little encouragement to get on their way.